Friday, March 25, 2011

Universal Twin

Easter is around the corner, a time for rebirth, rejuvenation, and contemplation. There have been many changes around. Lots of dreams. Dreams of surrogate mothers, tiny aliens, baby animals, snow, white coyotes, store adventures, backbone dreams, unrequited answers. It's all there, and still adamantly chasing me and throwing me down on the floor. Demanding answers. I read a horoscope of mine that basically said, "Stop banging on the door of the things you want you think that are trapped behind there." "Just open the door already." What if the things I ask for behind the door hinges on someone else too? How would you answer that quandary? I already know not to ask for feedback since no one ever answers. Discouraging. I have been asking a lot of questions about my constant "free time" with myself. It's horribly boring and aggravating to hear things along the lines of "enjoy your free time while you have it." sometimes I feel like something apocalyptic is about to happen. Apocalyptic could go both ways. Good or bad. Anyhow, I'm remotely anxious and on the cusp. I seem to always be in preparation mode. I also read that I need to rest more. I'm a great rester. A great sleeper, but I also need to keep an ear to the ground. Follow my heart a little. Stirred up. Anyway, these are the stepping stones.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Pharisee in recovery

That's me. God has been prompting me lately. And I have been not wanting to listen. Jame and I went to a church to visit yesterday, and it was great. I forgot to tell Jme I might cry, cause I have a tendency to do that especially if I have been away from God for a long time. I kind of cried through the whole music part. Which was funny, it's usually harder for me to worship through music. Not yesterday! They had a guest speaker and he was really interesting. He spoke the words that is the title of the post. Which makes so much sense. The pharisees wanted to do so much by the word. They wanted to follow all the rules. They wanted to be perfect, and if they couldnt be, or others were not perfect either, the pharisees put out a lot of condemnation. I thought about myself and how relateable that is. I want to be so perfect and live how God commands me to be, but I also want His approval, and really crave His love. God loves me no matter what though. Even if I cant get with the rules. Even if I fall short. And I cant help but praise a God who does that. I will keep trying. I will not believe the lies that Satan whispers. I will not be a failure when it comes to loving, because God allows grace. Since an all knowing and all mighty Savior can die on a cross, come back to life in 3 days, and continue to love us, then I can surely love others and most importantly love myself. We just have to be willing. Selah!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I'm torn. I'm on the edge of quitting and sincerly not giving up. It's a careful balance. It's not much, but it's what I have. What I have is not much either.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Phone Home!

I'm trying to communicate with you.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me 10 things I dont already know and make me laugh. I dont care what you look like; just turn me on. Henry Rollins

thanks Sue.

editors side note: i would prefer to insert "man" instead of woman. thats my jive.