Saturday, June 19, 2010

My excuse.

Maybe I'm melancholy. Maybe I miss my tan. Maybe I miss things that never were mine. I miss not being able to do this all the time. I want more geniune experiences. It's okay to let your gaurd down, just remember it's a house made of sand. I lost all of our pictures. You barely have a few. We never got off our rears and had them printed out. How will everyone know our life is going so well? The pictures tell a lot of the story. Since I seem to be at a loss for words. I miss you. Broken chains, broken glass. It's all the same. New beginnings are just around the corner and just as I have a fresh cup of coffee, a new person to this world is opening her eyes. My muscles do ache and since we cant go exercise, it's hard to not to feel lazy. I know it cant ever be the same, so I hope for more. I hope for something better. I long for something better. I heard that we couldn't be equals because we were not similar. The good news is though, B and I can possibly build our house within 10 years. I think when we move it will be a confusing time. It's important to have the right sea legs for this. So far, I find us in a planning period.

Does this mean I am packing a cooler full of ice and strapping Champ into his car seat so we can track down those little albino squirrels living in Illinois? Maybe soon, but not today. I am dealing with massive confusion, questioning if I really am seeing gremlins in place of inanimate objects, and not feeding the oscillating fan after midnight. Just trying here, cause that's all I can really do. I decided early today that I would not be picking myself apart of becoming this scared little pigeon waiting in the wings. I need to pick up Daddy's father's day present. Gas up someone's renegade lawn mower. Attempt to put sentences together, and try not to flip out in the process. Really. This is where I am.

Secretly hoping my self tanner kicks in sooner rather than later, the smell is the stumbling block. I got rid of those clothes with all the holes in them. So what now? Fashion and I don't really mix, and lately I have been thinking that a towel would be an acceptable form of dress. It is summer after all, and I encourage us to soak up some sun.

B will be off next Tuesday with me, and I think I'm going to make fried chicken and have him drive us to a swimmin' hole. I just want to lay on a blanket all day. With him. Or you, if you can make it. Don't worry though, I will take my medicine to guard against Rockin' pneumonia and the boogey woogey blues.......

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