Aint too proud to beg

I'm burnt out! ? there. I said it. nothing has changed though and I swear I admit this often. Im swimming in a vat of pig lard. I pretend to like the pig lard, but I really don't. Not so much. Does the pig lard benefit me? Well yes. Yes it does. But not emotionally. Or physically. But here I am. Begging. Yep. Ive changed my prayers into begging. Literal crying, knees on the floor, begging. Im angry to a point. Im lonely up here on my mountaintop. Its a quiet struggle that is turning into pure tyranny. It is. I mean, I dont care. at all. not the least bit. If its value Im lookinf for, the buck starts here. I dont know how to reach out. I cant help to feel like "us" vs. "them". me no likey. So Lord, touch me. Im asking. Please.