Real Belief

Even though I'm still sick as a dog and, I believe you are the only one reading this, I might as well write to you. In a informal note, this is a thank you. Thank you for your unforgiving flattery, and point of view that makes me feel better than a cold cheese sandwich. Never waning and never letting me go. For believing in me even when I'm lower than a pancake covered in blueberry syrup. As hard as it is to believe we have those striking resemblances and even though our circumstances are different, we have more common ground than anyone else even pretends to share with me. So here's your shout out, lady. Go shake your bon bon!


P.S. Watch out for those see you next tuesdays!

Not just another televanelst.

There's work to be done.


There's just no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It has to begin with you. Within you. It can't be around you in order to be effective. We have to start small, or it could be another disappointment.
There's nothing wrong with small. I'm a paper ship in a stream, but there's nothing to stop me from becoming a yacht in the Pacific. Nothing. Start with 2 books. One is called Roaring Lambs by the late Robert Briner. The other is called Plan B by Pete Wilson. I would encourage any and all women to read Goodbye Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us by Beth Moore. All 3 books have more than a common thread. Freedom, and the courage to embrace it.

So go do it already!

It puts the lotion on it's skin...

I have news for Courtney Cox. Your face doesn't look real to me anymore. I don't know if ABC has anything to do with it, but, I'm worried. It's ok gal. I'm still obsessed with Joaquin Pheonix, so you might be off the hook for now. I still adore Casey Affleck, and would suggest for you all to embrace his brother, Ben. Especially in his directorial new movie, The Town. I am Paula, and I endorse The Town. Ben, you naughty nugget. There you are with ripped abs making B all blushy and he had that worried face on. To be honest with you, just that scene of you doing chin-ups was more than enough for me. That could have been the whole thing. I would gladly pay another ten bucks to see you exercise. I would. With that, I'm going to say I thought it was fantastic. I enjoyed hearing all that Boston talk. B even had that blushy worried face when I whispered, "Me likey Boston." Inappropriate? No. No. It was more than called for. Oh, and don't get me started on those Wahlberg boys.....

i'm not the only one...

Apparently. Because I continue to hear the same thing coming from the lips of all kinds of generations. Some call it feeling blah, some behave in a way so someone looks at them, some over exaggerate and plan to drag you down with them. Mostly, I am trying to talk about these feelings. But only to one or two people. I think I am out of love with facebook, and its about darn time. It's sickening how it has started to fray my nerves, and to demand all these mothers overcompensating for time lost, to stop entertaining themselves and take care of that sick child you feel you need to update me with. Get real. Or the never ending affair roller coaster fb covers up. Not for long, angel. Not for long. We all are trying to get the carrot in front of our noses, the thing is, the same thing does not work over and over. Ask Einstein. He has a quote about such madness/sickness. It's called insanity.

Faith and the burning bush

Yeah, I believe in miracles, in epic proportions. Yeah, I believe we become products of our own trappings. I believe that things can turn around. I also believe in time. I believe in time as an hourglass, these are the days of our lives, yes. I believe in time. I believe it heals all wounds, makes us slow down, speed up, run late. I believe it can totally stop too. I believe it takes time to repair damage. I also know time will provide me an outlet to do what I love from home. I heard it was hard to find. There's nothing or no one to save me, and I don't expect it either. I think that there's a plethora of things intertwined and full of hope to come. My arms are broken out with good intent. I couldn't imagine when she read it. I was crazy desperate for a spark, for fame. I figured out I could make no one happy but myself. So this is what I did. I did this with great abandonment and fortitude. It made the girls and boys blush and mother's kept their children in for the day. I even surprised myself. It was a great feeling to validate myself, without help. I disguised it to the point I felt embarrassed. I was all Roberta Flack on myself in private - I did feel the flush on my cheeks. Then I heard that song I sang as a girl. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.....

Grace had reconciled my heart and I heard the witness from all around me. I felt that agape love with B. I felt it at church. I have felt it from few and far between. I accept it though. I long for it and don't know a soul who doesn't.

Hey Ms. Independent! You got lost in those emeralds and rubies. The lyrics of American Pie fit in well. This proclamation hit me in the shower. I still itch and twitch. I was allergic to that dog! That one dog! That one that follows you home and you know not to pet it, or feed it, or allow it to look into your soul, but, you cant help it. A born nurturer. I scrubbed the dog. I put my hand down to relax, and his head was right there. We fit like a glove! I reasoned I couldn't afford it, too expensive, but no matter the cost, we kept it. Allergy aside, we progressed. I lingered with that dog till I could stand it. I took shots, tough shots, though worth it. I took benedryl all day, and slept cuddled against that dog I swore gave me allergies....until I stopped sneezing and became immune. He was the dog to fight for, because he extended the courtesy to fight for me.


My anomaly. I want my heart one way. Pure and agape.

That's what I Heard!

Who deserves an expense travel account? You do!

Held

I think I just got my dose. My dose of being topped off. To the brim. To the hilt. However you want to make of it. I'm disenchanted with Facebook and all this sort of social-look-at-me, hedonistic, disorienting, self-deprecating, self-worshipping stuff. It's been like a new relationship. Full of ups and downs. Heartbreaks and heartaches. Websites devoted to high school behaviors.
What happened? Do we not have jobs to hold down? Children to rear? Farms to tend? What??!!
I'm beyond help with this. I miss the old days. The old days don't have to be over. We just make the choice to let them be. Face it. It's laziness. Oh, and it's unattractive. I am flesh and blood. And this flesh and blood craves real life activities. Real life people. Granted, these sites have helped me come back into contact with folks with whom I am a true friend to. IDK peeps. It's got me feeling all deranged and crap. Oh well. Moving forward.

I did find 2 butterflies this morning. They were dead. But this is their time to die. Sad, isn't it? A chilling reminder time goes on, a reminder that there's something precious somewhere just about to disappear.

If you can't tell, this post is about realizing. Realizing behaviors, realizing people change, become bored and distracted. Half the time I'm living my own fairytale and then I get kicked back into reality. Believe me, the landing is never soft.

I had this thought in my head. About living the way Christ did. He loved all people. He congregated with poor, rich, sick, healthy. I think that is a huge draw to me as an adult and my decision to be Christian. Jesus just loved. No matter what. If he could help, he helped. Even though I will never be able to have huge passion filled debates about what is true or not, or get all bent out of shape over philosophy, I want to be like Jesus. Jesus never argued. Jesus accepted people for what they were and still does today. Believer or unbeliever. How fantastic.

Not much else, but reaching out sure feels better than isolating.