Friday, September 17, 2010

Faith and the burning bush

Yeah, I believe in miracles, in epic proportions. Yeah, I believe we become products of our own trappings. I believe that things can turn around. I also believe in time. I believe in time as an hourglass, these are the days of our lives, yes. I believe in time. I believe it heals all wounds, makes us slow down, speed up, run late. I believe it can totally stop too. I believe it takes time to repair damage. I also know time will provide me an outlet to do what I love from home. I heard it was hard to find. There's nothing or no one to save me, and I don't expect it either. I think that there's a plethora of things intertwined and full of hope to come. My arms are broken out with good intent. I couldn't imagine when she read it. I was crazy desperate for a spark, for fame. I figured out I could make no one happy but myself. So this is what I did. I did this with great abandonment and fortitude. It made the girls and boys blush and mother's kept their children in for the day. I even surprised myself. It was a great feeling to validate myself, without help. I disguised it to the point I felt embarrassed. I was all Roberta Flack on myself in private - I did feel the flush on my cheeks. Then I heard that song I sang as a girl. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.....

Grace had reconciled my heart and I heard the witness from all around me. I felt that agape love with B. I felt it at church. I have felt it from few and far between. I accept it though. I long for it and don't know a soul who doesn't.

Hey Ms. Independent! You got lost in those emeralds and rubies. The lyrics of American Pie fit in well. This proclamation hit me in the shower. I still itch and twitch. I was allergic to that dog! That one dog! That one that follows you home and you know not to pet it, or feed it, or allow it to look into your soul, but, you cant help it. A born nurturer. I scrubbed the dog. I put my hand down to relax, and his head was right there. We fit like a glove! I reasoned I couldn't afford it, too expensive, but no matter the cost, we kept it. Allergy aside, we progressed. I lingered with that dog till I could stand it. I took shots, tough shots, though worth it. I took benedryl all day, and slept cuddled against that dog I swore gave me allergies....until I stopped sneezing and became immune. He was the dog to fight for, because he extended the courtesy to fight for me.

My anomaly. I want my heart one way. Pure and agape.

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