Monday, October 25, 2010

Seasons change

And so do we. Drastically it seems when we dare to look back. Gr. I hope you are well, because I am. There's much to discuss today. I'm still reading. I'm still writing. I had a stroke of genius on Thursday, and now it's hidden under the covers - cough due to cold is the diagnosis. That's okay, genius, feel better, then we can air it all out later. Um, where to start? I did un-Sunday things yesterday, that made the day go by. I cleaned out the smokehouse. I arranged the vines around the smokehouse, raked. Almost, spray painted things. Then, got scared. I really hate that. I was more scared of the wasps around the area I wanted to do projects with yesterday. That's reasonable fear. Especially since United Medical and St. Mary's can't come to an agreeable contract, and the closest ER would be Morristown or Knoxville. I am unbelievably susceptible to allergies right now, I decided to not tempt being stung. And dying. and that's no joke. But I guess you cant put a price on your health. B and I are doing the Cherohala tomorrow. B and I are on the same page right now with hating living apart, we live separate physical lives, and most of the time you have to be married to live that kind of life! Laugh, that was a joke, but a honest joke. I wouldnt describe our realationship as dramatic and dry. I would describe it as real as it can get. We see each others insecurities and we both have decided we can live with those. We accept that life can change, we can change, but hopefully we wont smother each other to death and eventually push each other apart. We see it too often, and to be honest, it hits the front porch more than we can admit. You see, I know that B could just leave. Maybe this is something you dont think about because it hurts, or it's uncomfortable, but the more you realize bad things can happen, the more open you can be. At least, this has been my experience. I think when you talk about the bad and the good, the more open you can be with everyone. One thing I like about B is he comes through. No matter what. I dont see this as a quality that will fade with me, because B is this way with everyone. That's admirable. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be times when we let each other down, intentionally or not, but it will happen. The sooner we accept each other for the way each other are, the better off we will be in our realationship. We dont have to be perfect, but we both cant be with people we want to change. Trying to change someone is madness, and wishing your life away isnt healthy either. Instead of hoping for the future, B and I are going to live in it. Separate or not. It's just that easy, and just that complicated too. I didnt go to church, I havent went in 2 weeks. I miss our church in Knoxville. Plain truth is, I wanted to sleep. Plain truth is, I wanted to stay home and enjoy the nice weather. So I did with the dogs. We layed in the sun. We walked. We took pictures. LBD layed on my back like a backpack. She's full of sorcery, that one. We cleaned the shower curtain. Eventually we slept like rocks. Then it was morning.

1 comment:

  1. "the more you realize bad things can happen, the more open you can be"

    A firmly held belief of mine. I'm so glad you live in my head.