In your head, baby.

My claim to fame. Award Show?
Held right here, imagine me, under a spotlight.
(I don't like, livin' under your spotlight) (Jennifer Hudson) (R&B)


Today's show will, include massive snippets of things I have written, on napkins, journals, matchbooks, slips of paper, floating in my purse.

Show me what a man hates, and I will show you what he is.


I wonder what you would think, if you could see me in the morning.


I have experience in marriage, and singledom. (see, resume)
Married life represents single life at times.
When life happens. When we get too busy. When world's collide.
There are times, you will still eat over the sink, go to bed alone.
Be lonely.



If I receive any more pity eyes, I will throw my dress over my head. (Sunday, morning)


The last thing I want to do, is offend you.


My favorite? Carmine Giovinazzo. (TV)


Do know the triplets?
Woulda,
Shoulda,
Coulda?


All they wanna do is talk. I'm froze.
Cold.Cold. Cold. (Rolling Stones)


I had thoughts about Rhett Butler - Plenty of Gone With The Wind moments, could be the backdrop to my existence. (Or Beetlejuice, ghost scenes.)


(This, is a biggie.) (Untold Fortunes.)


What could I feel?
Is the electricity in our brains,
Working together,
Colliding.

Realizing, when,
My heart beats fast,
That is, the moment,
We are thinking of each other?


But can't tell.

Our communication is different.
Almost, unforgiven.
Forbidden.


Women, think with their stupid heads and hearts,
Boys, think with their penis.
(Ladies, are just as driven my their vagina's also, honey bear.)



I wonder what it is like to be inside, that head?
The above, also, had been written in purple marker.



Taste blood.
Sex.
Why?
Sugar!!!



Long quip -



I try very hard, not to be discouraged. Or felt discounted.
These occasions, turn into voids.
Of flushing those emotions, down the toilet.
Not paying attention to the triggers, refusing to face it.


Pissed, as if I am baking the same pie, over, and over.


Groundhog Day wouldn't be so bad, at least Bill Murray, had some element of control.


When I allow the dam to break, this is the result of the murky water.
If you show me what you're made of, it's surprising.



Caught in rainstorms.
Lives of other's seem so wonderful.
Not every dimension, but if only, I could copy, and paste.



MAN, I AM THANKFUL FOR MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!



I'd rather be ice picking.
Sometimes, sweet Paula,
your discouragement, isn't real.


Sometimes, the waning of your attitude, it comes out forced.
Because, my bird, you are, optimistic, and it rings true, even in the darkest hour.


Too hard on yourself.
Too lax on others and their behaviors.
When I should hold others as accountable as I hold myself.


It's not fair, to you.
I have the chance to be better, and I am.



Dear Reader,



I hope this isn't too heavy. To see inside, the living room of myself. An intimate invite, of what I may be writing down sitting next to you in the car, or at dinner, or in your home. You are a part of my story, as much as I am a part of yours. I try not to forget feelings, emotions, pure memories.



Back to the task at hand.



I like to think of him as a soldier at war. (think Cold Mountain)
Waiting to come home.
Counting down the days.
Keeping my picture in his breast pocket.



My adventures in tow with Sue last weekend, I began to think, about tattoos. We can all have a fantasy self, right?
I would have an anchor, with gold rope down my side, and Sue, unknowingly added this to my fantasy self also, sparrows, on my chest. Elaborate Letter P, somewhere. Sparrows, have always been on the agenda, but the suggestion, of them being placed there, made me light up!



Side note - must flea market this weekend. Buy old suitcase if it's there....






Cunnilingus. Word first coined (and understood)by Charles Cross, whispered outside his house, referencing, the thing, he was most skilled at.



Cunnilingus, is the act of using the mouth, lips, and tongue to stimulate the female genitals. Derived from, a "vulgar" (Wikipedia's description, not mine) Latin word for the vulva,
(cunnis = C U Next Tuesday) (cunnis, theirs, the latter? Mine. (Heard at some point in my career at JCHS!) and the Latin word for tongue (lingua), the term literally means "cunt-tongue."
A person, who performs cunnilingus may be referred to as a "cunnilinguist".



I, am about to piss my pants, from laughter, as I read this.



Wikipedia, continues, the article informs me, that the clitoris is the most "sexually sensitive part" of the body for most women but may be "too sensitive" to pleasantly stimulate directly(read carefully, boys) at times, (amen) especially in early stages of arousal. (This is true, and confirmed, according to Ed Milner, with whom I had a deep, long conversation, about my reactions to his "please, please me" courses/trips of carnal pleasures on the good ship Paula during our late 1998-2004ish realationship.)(Monday, June 15th.)(During lunch break)
(Scissor legs)

So and so had stated in said Wikipedia article, that most women achieve orgasm easily through clitoral stimulation. (Ask your mom, too, she's a woman.) (Do NOT ask after church during lunch.)

I am absolutely fascinated by the description of this beautiful act, that can be performed, most anywhere. Couch, floor, car, outside, picnic table, basketball court,( these are mere suggestions.)
(I am a good Samaritan, on this road of life) (APW)

Said Lady, should be willing to be sans panties, or willing to pull them at least to her knees, (makes it ten times hotter, and ultimately, more satisfying.) (Or, pull panties, over.)

Don't look at me like that. Observation. That's it.

More descriptions? Or, "How-to's?"

Can't right this second, I'm exhausted.