Saturday, June 20, 2009

Mike Hawk (say it out loud)

Not mine, yours.

Well, this morning, the stop sign @ Piedmont Road,
that faces Dalton Road, had spray painted,
the words DON'T on top of STOP and BELIEVIN' below STOP.
No shit.
Has made my day.
This song, (ha, ha) encouraged the fuck out of me plenty of days.
I love it. It has plastered a big smile on my face!!!!

I am thinking of tonight's shenanigan's.
Shelane Shenanigan's.

That shall be the title of the evening's festivities.

To the ones who worry, I am staying with Skinny Bitch Shelane, and not out drunk driving. I promise. Tonight, I am sure, will be full of taxi taking, so, put those worries to bed.

Let me begin with Tuesday, hiking was great. Even though, it really wasn't a hike. It was a walk uphill to a beautiful view. I wasn't disappointed, so take that look off your face.

I did, sunburn. It is healing.

Bryan and I sat in the field, I was soaking it in. I thought, and thought, good things, while up there. I love the outside. It is actually where I can reconnect with myself. I don't feel so scattered, rushed. I, did this day, feel some blah.

I just cant constantly talk when I am outside. Or when I exercise. I need to concentrate. I am making mental notes. Going through my check list.(any small distraction for me, is like a million wasps, landing on my face)

My mood, sometimes, is on the verge on content.
And, Tuesday, should have been nothing but contentment.
But it wasn't. It was almost difficult.
(some days, are difficult)

Babe, I don't have a crystal ball, I don't claim to know it all.
I only know how I feel.

I only know, what you tell me.

Angie, Sue and Kim Hodge Perfetti, are 3 people I could spend a day with, and prolly not say a whole bunch. Our comfort is understood. It feels like your feet dangling out the window, on a nice drive. It feels like "the first time". It just feels good.

I realize, I am different.
(Here we go again)
It's cool. It really is.

I had dreams about babies last night. Baby animals, and baby babies.
Babies, represent change. New Birth.

Read this, once again, New Birth. (I have goose-bumps)

My view, on marriage, is different. It has changed. I'm not afraid of it. I am afraid of what it was.

When Thomas and I married, I was in a panic attack for about 3 months, straight. Sure, I smiled, waved, and it wasn't long before, I felt it all shift. Our first fight, that have stated, changed everything, was in December.

Being married, was difficult. I had to change everything. I suppose, you want to say I wasn't ready.

Well, get off your fucking high horse.

You, probably weren't as ready as you claimed to be either.


This is a topic of discussion, that is real to me. The facets of things, that I think, write, and sometimes, should dispose of in a different manner, comes out as me, throwing a Pre-Madonna fit.

Go ahead, make your assumptions.

But in the words of Glenn Rogers,
"When you assume, you make an ass, out of you, and me."
(First heard @ Maury Middle School)

I changed. Drastically.
I was hurled into a world of football, and not finishing Thank You notes quick enough.
(From wedding gifts.)

It's ok. I didn't want Thomas to change. I took everything he was, and decided I loved everything about him.
(re-read that, I have time)

I loved everything, about him. Even the things, that we didn't have in common.
I tried to understand.
We tried together, for the most part.

Sometimes, I feel as if I am living this great, romantic tragedy.
(so, my personality)

My point? I never expected Thomas to change.
(again, read carefully)

I never "expected him to change."
That was my bad.
Of course, the man would change.

25 years from now, your partner should be different.
Not only physically, but in those shades of grey, too.
Your core values,our true makeup, should never, ever, stray off the path.
We absorb new attitudes, with the winds of life.

Our outlooks, should turn into winged birds of paradise.

You don't wake up every day, and love peanut butter.
No, some days, you decide, squash would be great.
And, your partner, shouldn't be surprised.

You, my baby, change everyday, and to kid yourself, and not believe that, isn't reality.
To be so silly to even mouth the words, you cant accept others without
believing the FACT is!, we are, always morphing into more complicated creatures.

We, as humans, should be evolving, constantly.

Put your bible down, I am not here to corrupt your children, and you know I don't believe in the theory of evolution.
(but, you should read about the Galapagos Islands, and go with me one of these days.)
(My ultimate fantasy)

Get your hands out of my pie of theories too.
You don't know where they have been.

I am different for a reason.
For the storm of the century,
for the pains of patience,
for the utter reason for my living.

To learn.

I don't know why I don't have a child.
I don't know why, I cant have a partner right now.

I think it's ok, though.
(even though, I tear up)

We face choices.
We have a choice to either,
count our blessings, but still get upset when the chips fall,
or, be as sour as 24 day old milk.
Go ahead, take a whiff.

I can see clearly, that you may be repulsed by the chaos,
or utterly fascinated with this world.
With, my perspective, which, like snowflakes, no 2 are alike.

My new prayer?

Please send me my own Vince Vaughn.

I am closing now, because I fear I am on the cusp of sounding like a drunken sorority girl.

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