Wednesday, April 21, 2010


So much going on. My home was broken into Monday night. I am devastated by it. The experience has left me utterly detached, numb to a point. My camera was taken. It was second hand, but it was mine. My Papaw's gun was taken. All of my jewelry was taken. None of it can be replaced. Almost every last thing in it was from my family. A baby ring that was my Granny Mowry's. Four leaf clover earrings that were my Mama's. Turquoise jewelry that was from India given to me by a woman who I looked up to. A emerald and gold ring that was my Mamaw's. A ring I had lost that was my great grandmothers that I had let a friend wear and she had lost it. Then I found it at a shop in Knoxville. I was convinced it had found it's way back to me. So I'm pretty mad. Emotional. Angry.

I literally have nothing of value in my home. At least I thought. Not to anyone else. Loss seems familiar. Unfortunately. I wish I could feel more secure feelings. I feel overwrought and without direction. Then this happened. It seemed to seal the deal. I repeat, I do not have many things. You would imagine the people who did this would think, and old lady must live here with all the cardigans and bibles laying around. A snazzy grandma, but a grandma at least. I'm going to be frank, my stomach hurts.

My dogs are fine, which I am grateful for. I am trying to not panic.


Another devotion. By Pastor Laurie of course. This will be brief due to the short period of time I have today. He talks about a story between a U.S. Navy ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. The Canadians warned the Americans, " Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision." The Americans responded, "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision." The Canadians said, "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision." The Americans: "This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course." "No. I say again, you divert your course." The Americans went on to explain who they were, what they had, and ultimately defend their course of action however they saw fit. After a brief moment of silence, the Canadians responded: "This is a lighthouse. It's your call." (I laughed)

Sometimes we don't like what God wants us to do, and we want Him to change course when, in reality, it is you and I who ought change course. (Amen, Brother Laurie.)

We need to understand that God's plans are better than ours. Having said that, it doesn't mean that they are always the easiest or even the most appealing at the moment. There are times in our lives when we might not like the plan of God - Not at all! Even so, God's plans are always better for us in the long run.

For our present troubles are quite small and won't last long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! 2 Corinthians 4:17

For the ones who read my blog can understand the past few blogs have been about understanding our circumstances, waiting for change, and really searching out answers. Most of you know how much I believe in signs, and that I know God has been showing me a path little by little. Answering my prayers that I have prayed for people I love whether they know it or not. the name of that devotion was "Learning to yield." All I can imagine is that what God wants me to understand, and to sit, pray, and wait. This is the direction I need to go in. Am I satisfied? Maybe not so much. I still have many questions and I feel like a raging sea. Then I read something like this. It does deliver some relief.

I also ran across some information that soothes me also. My love of crows I try not to hide. They are my object of affection, and I want to share some things from the bible about crows.

"He gives to the animals their food." Psalm 147:9 reads, "and to the young ravens when they cry."

"Who provides for the raven it's prey," God asks Job rhetorically, "when it's young ones cry to God, and wander about for lack of food?"

He was answering Job out of the storm, replying to Job's complaints not by direct answers, but by showing his character and power.

Ravens served the God of Israel. Noah sent out a raven, which flew back and forth until the water from the earth had dried up. A dove was the next messenger, the one which came back.

The prophet Elijah (who is easy to identify with) was told by God to leave where he was and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan river. God told him to drink from the brook, and God ordered the ravens to feed Elijah. Elijah did what he was told. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

I believe in provision. I believe we get what we want through God's hand if we ask for it. If we have the vision to look for it. I know God brings us where we can survive. The more I buck, the more God is showing me He is the one to give me answers. It's okay to discuss how you feel, it's better to discuss things and to look for avenues to relieve burdens. Obviously, my own hand destroys me than builds me up. Proud people, especially Christians, when they become too prideful, God will take it from you. This shows in my divorce. I was very prideful of what I had, and in the end it was the best thing. Am I saying God devastated my life? No, I am saying He gave me enough support and vision to see what I ultimately NEEDED. T was the vessel to teach me a lesson. To show who wanted to be in my life, and to show me how to sow seeds for a life that I WANTED to live. You know me kiddies, pain results in pleasure to a fault in my mind.

Although, I could use a little less to be fearful of. I love you!

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