Saturday, April 24, 2010


If your running as fast as you can, heart beating so wildly and out of control! Just wishing for a place to land! Waiting for a surprise. What if it's more than I deserve? Here I am today blindly trying to find some kind of focus. As you know, being a person who has very little in this world has this obsessive urge to go blow all my money. Walk out. Blow out. Really.

Why? Why cry into my Reece pieces? I have come to the dramatic conclusion Reece pieces are a part of a balanced diet due to the fact they have 5 grams of protein in them. Count it. 5. Some of you know I read labels when I food shop, it's habit. I am usually adding and subtracting speculating over the amounts of protein and fiber amounts. Insane.

I had wild visions last night. It would be ignorant to call them dreams because when I sleep I sleep lightly anymore. At one point I had my arms flung around Champ and a Tiger headdress on.....sweating. My visions were of the future. Vivid and bright. Probably a third dimension wonderland that only I can see right now. Don't worry, I have some extra goggles for you to see it too. Visions that were made up of men in suits, (awfully nice suits), me preparing garden, rescuing pretty green plants, and of course, commanding an army of chickens. Really. (I just want their eggs.)

Oh, and really wanting to dress like Gwennie's character in The Royal Tanenbaums. Seriously. Really, really, take the time and read up on braiding hair and taking the 2 seconds it takes to do so. Really. Most importantly, finding my focus. At least focus on one thing. I am ultimately detached form so much. Too many fingers in the pie? Daydreaming entirely too much? (Is that possible?)

One thing I am discovering is that I am not alone in feeling alien. Displaced. Maybe my third eye is waking up, don't fault me for being drowsy..... I miss my best friends. They both live in different states than I do. I miss having that sense of "live and let die" attitude I had. Most of the time I create these imaginative stumbling blocks for myself. Which is self destructive. Also, not writing in my journal. Feeling as if there may be no point. I need my home to be cleansed. I need to speak protection and love over my household. I'm not far out, some of you may not be far out there enough. At least I found out I am an individual. Maybe this is the learning curve. Finding out I had to be an individual, and there's no turning back, or taking it back. Realizing how fortunate I am and admitting so might help me sail.

If you need me I will be jamming to funk and stuffing extra money in mason jars......

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