Saturday, May 29, 2010


One day, I was a caged bird. As caged as a bird could be. I was a caged bird who was told when to sing, when to eat, when to drink, when to sleep, when and how I was to play. I had limits.
Yet, I longed for wisdom. Informed choices.

But I didn't know I was a bird.

I knew I was an eclectic form, but not a bird. I knew I had wings, but I had no idea how they worked. My Master had shown me the plans long before I was caged. That was before I knew I was a bird, and not this eclectic form I thought I had been. He told me. But, I refused to listen. When I was offered the cage, I had no idea I had compromised my future. My freedom.

I should have listened to The Master.

Not I. I had to go my own way, and I landed myself in a trap. Of false security. False hope. I shut The Master out, I thought I knew better. Boy, was I wrong. I believed I was nothing special.

I wasn't a bird.

I couldn't let myself free. I was only an eclectic form. I had been told no. Told I didn't know any better. My mirror was taken away. I was not believed in. I remember a long time ago, The Master had told me: "If you cant love yourself, how will you love anyone else?"

I often stood where eagles dared.


I never knew I was a bird.

I looked only at the bars. And never past. I washed my face because the water was cool, and I knew that face was mine.

I knew that face was mine.

I could sing. But I sang a tune that was only on the cusp of being familiar. The tune I sang was not mine. I got close to the bars one day - and could barely look past them. I blinked. I blinked my black eyes. So I blinked once again. I sat close to the bars from that point on.

I. As a bird, paid attention. I studied.
Then, I longed.

One day, my mirror was returned to my cage. I fancied my mirror. But, I still only saw my eclectic form, but just past the reflection, I saw a door! PAST THE BARS!

Sure, I was fed. Hand fed. Picked through though. Could only have what was given.

Then I started reading the newspaper that lined my cage.
I kept learning, eclectic form.

Grooming my feathers one day, I saw another door. But it was not a door I noticed before. It was the door to my cage. But where had it come from? And why didn't I notice this door before??!!

I must have had a look on my face. A bird look.

Then, the darkness came. A cloak.

I layed down, and slept. I slept a sleep of bird-like hibernation. (An eclectic hibernation.) An eclectic form in her cocoon. In the darkness I received my education. I twitched.

I even cried a little.

I slept with my little birdy tongue hanging out. (But, I wasn't sure it was a little birdy tongue.)

I attempted to wake up. My black eyes blinking. My stomach hurt, or whatever was that thing that felt like a burning orb inside me. I even cried a little.

I remembered the cage door. So I looked for the cage door. Even in the dark. I even thought about The Master. Even in the dark. I was so hungry! So hungry! So I worked. Diligently.
I never took my tiny black eyes off the door.

I started washing my face. Once a day. Twice a day. Once an hour.

It gave me sweet clarity. I felt like the Indian Squaw I had read about on the cage floor.

(Remember? I was a reading bird.)

BUT!!!! I still had no idea, I was a bird!

A bird! I was a bird!

The Indian Squaw worked with her hands the words said. She used her mind. I even found out she washed her own face! Like me! It made me work more. I started believing in myself. Like the little engine that could! Here I was, just a little bird!!! Valuable!!! Just as the Indian Squaw.

She was a self made Bird herself.

Slowly, but surely, I worked with my beak. I started unraveling the cloak that was around my cage. Little by little. I saw light!!! My tiny black eyes hurt. From crying. Form frustration. From working. From doing. I mean, they burned like coals.

I worked with my beak.
I slept.
I washed my face.
I ate.
I worked with my beak.
I drank water.
I read the paper.
I was an educated bird.

All at once, my work came to a halt. All the material had turned into a pile of string on the floor. The Master had picked it up, and put the thread on a spool. He said,"Maybe you can use this to make your nest." And if a bird could have smiled, I had the biggest birdy smile!

I was a smart, happy, healing bird. With black eyes. Learning I was no longer an eclectic form.
I was a bird. I was a force. I washed my face. First things first though. I looked in the mirror.
I flapped like mad all over the cage. I flapped in disbelief. I could not believe my eyes.
I then proclaimed, " You're a bird! " This made the Master smile. I know because I could see my reflection in Him. I was no longer an eclectic form.

I was a beautiful, proud, Crow.

Still afraid. Still in awe. Rocked with shock. Whole guilt.

The Master I had turned away from, time and time again, looked me in the eyes.
He opened my cage door. He let me fly. We talked. He cleaned my cage. He loved me.
Brought me food. Anything I wanted. Nothing was held back. Instead of feeding me by hand,
I was allowed to eat freely. He taught me not to fear. The Master had put new paper in the cage for me to read, brought me more water.

He petted my head. Sweet reassurance I had lost. Or, at least, surrendered.

I took a long time. I sat with Him, and only Him. His Beloved needed Him so.

And His Bird, just now got it.

1 comment:

  1. Even though no one commented on this truth of your life, you are wonderful and able.