Monday, August 2, 2010

Heart in the right place....

I had a heart transplant, and I survived. It was a test. I needed my heart heart on my sleeve and then decided to keep in on guard. Inside my chest. Tucked far away, and not letting anyone touch it. This was a hard decision, but well worth it in the mean time.

B and I have farm work tomorrow. We have farm work in between the 2 farms. I am already taking benedryl. I am wearing knee socks and boots. Cows have to be moved. The rental house needs to be worked on. Oh, and I think we have to chase mice too. I have trash to run off, a yard that needs to be mowed, and dogs to bathe. We might have time to lay in the river, and I hope so!!!!

I have an educated step up.

Church was great yesterday. Pastor Chris pointed out that we need to be dynamically different than the world. With all the things in life that consume us, we need to be separated from things that are fleeting. I use the word "things" very loosely. There are many things that bind our hearts in order for them to perform insufficiently. What a waste. The past week I have been tortured by what the world seems to offer. Chasing blindly for a unfulfilled life that has dangerous snares. I accept all the work I do/have to do/will do, because only I can do it. Work on myself, through unforeseen circumstances or options brought on by my own choice. Paul, in the bible, called being in the dungeon a "light affliction." If Paul laying in a dungeon can see the difference in his circumstances, or desires of the heart and flesh, I think I can work on that. You would think that Pastor Chris delivering this sermon would have made me a crying mess and generally it does when I am full of conviction. It was more of a moment of clarity and feeling better. It was a lazy Sunday, and discussing what we need to do with the week. It's going to be a long one.....

Let me be for days on end, these whispers of time that multiply for months. Remind me of the great courage reaped by times of being alone, learning lessons that were only provided to me. I am brought out out of the wilderness, flattered by the confidence placed upon my heart.

Purchasing my hour of decision through refining fire and heavenly grace.

The same crows that fed Elijah are the same that come to me. I love the reverence of crows.
In the fact God opened my eyes to these precious creatures who long to guide me. Protected me as I ran through dark forests, avoiding giants, and refusing to leave me behind.

Seeing true love. And surrendering to it.

I told myself I am a valuable prize.
And, I believe it.

I also believe there are some solid-rock epiphanies coming. I believe there are super natural powers working behind the scenes.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. I like to replace the second tough with my name.
When the going gets tough, the Paula gets going.

Having a lack of whatever doesn't handicap me. It actually empowers me, and helps change me.
Sometimes you lose. Sometimes, we have to start over.

I overcome these overwhelming supposed needs.

Psalm 46:5

God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at the break of day.

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