Everybody thinks it's easy.
Holla! Today, I am on. On it. On top of it. In the middle of it...........
I had a pep talk with my therapist this morning. She's fantastic. She encouraged me today and also listened to me. It was freedom. Then she asked me. Well, what do you want to do with your life? This question left me flabbergasted. Then she stated I needed adventures. She's right.
I wane. Due to lack of adventures. She had no idea the kind of flame that she sparked up.
Unless she reads this.
B and I did adventure yesterday. We walked in the woods. We sat by water. I wanted to belly flop in that stream, but I did refrain. There were many trees down. We sat on logs. I ran in front of B most of the time, but then I got all flabbergasted and worried I would get separated from him. I guess that's the Little Bo Peep in me. We told secrets and I talked and talked and talked.
B listens with intent and says yes, or no, or sometimes he might talk too much. The point is, we got away from the rat race and farms and rental houses and everything that clogs our arteries.
The park is under a lot of construction. Preservation. Preparation for winter. We couldnt hold hands cause it was too hot! B had an observation about me though. He said, youre sweating!!!
You never sweat!!! We all know this is a fib, but B thought it was funny, since I love the hot weather and all. I said, that's not sweat!!! I wollered my head in the water!!! (But that was only half true, I was sweating!!!) ha. It was a great day, and I was able to spend precious time with someone who is my equal in the love of the outdoors.
Smack my hiney, the next few days are gonna be a doozy, it's okay though. I made another appointment with my therapist, we have church this weekend. We have a miracle service this weekend, and before you pull out your sage and burn it and try to cast devils out of me, I am looking forward to this time. Pastor Chris has encouraged the congregation about having more faith. B and I are investing. We are fasting. We are praying. And, we are believing.
I asked God in a prayer to help me be like the man of the possessed boy. Lord, help me believe!
Admitting that my faith is weak and needs conditioning. I am praying for opened eyes, and open heart. I have already seen the work of His hand. I am happy. I am understanding. I do have value, and even when my value is taken away with hurtful words, too much space between, or plain old stubbornness, I think I just have to remind myself. I have to shake my unbelief. I have to realize that my value is not having a marriage, because marriage for most is a big joke, or the fact that one has kids, and kidding themselves to be only that to be the bane of their existence.
I do appreciate that only I can make my household run. I appreciate that I can mow my yard. On my own. I appreciate myself, I am not replaceable, and I believe that's a good start.