Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Allergic to the rub

115 lb dogs. I love. We have something in common. I want to take them on excursions into the great unknown. Actually, they would love to take me. Good thing too, I love an adventure. I just let that great dane, sit on my lap. It's important. To have a lap to sit on. And to be petted.

Champ sure rang the bell @ 5. I turned the light on, pointed to the bed, and had my mean mama face on. He can't take whippins. They scare the tar outta him. He did the whole Snoopy - circle my area - before - I - lay - down - thing, and cuddled so close to me, I threw my arm around him. Around his huge chest. We got up @ 7. Looked out the window. I shrugged my shoulders. The boys were in full agreement.

It never fails. When I leave my phone in the other room to charge. Someone texts me through the night. The beep wakes me up. It's ok. It's some kind of law.

I get to spend time with an amazing group of girls today. It's gonna be bitchin'. No haircut today. I had to compromise. Meet in the middle. You know the song.

Wore out. For really no reason. I didn't endure any nightmares yesterday. Er, except for running into rock n' roll hoochie coo, questioning the abilities of my baybay making machine parts. She was so shocked I hadn't squirted out any children. She's the one who should be ashamed. Pirating money from her baybay daddy. Check. You read correctly. Who's the whore? You are.

We could play, duck, duck, whore. You would so win.

I would continue not to be jealous of your insecurities.

Mine are deep under a rock somewhere in the cemetery. That's right. Right along with Olympia Dukakis. Don't you dare touch my steel magnolia's!!!!

The secret is to soak 'em in buttermilk.

The thunder rolls. But it doesn't hurt me. Still sleepy. Excited about today. Maybe not sleepy, just afflicted with allergies. It's cool. Bring on the Benadryl.

Lent is over. Is the sugar ban? For the most part. I don't have to be so harsh on myself. But I also know I can say no! Whoo hoo!!! I, Paula, can say no to sugar.

I had some sweet stuff yesterday, and of course, my body begins the rebellion.

Slice of cake? No thanks.

Your true feelings? Did the epiphany's roll out onto your pillow last night? Mine are nestled neatly on my bed. Warmly anticipating for me to cradle them and listen.

Frank!! It's raining again. It's a perfect day for hiding under the comforter and making a fort in the living room. Or make your couch an island.

We're losin' daylight people!!! Let's make magic!!!!

I've heard that before.

Did you know someone dies of rabies every 10 minutes in America? It's true.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all and there you have, the facts of life.

The facts of life.

Hoochie coo also remarked on how short my shorts were. Listen, I had worn them out to the store, just for a fleeting second.

Duck, duck, whore.

At least I had a bra on. At least my puppies are hangin' high. Go ahead. Look.
We all know people like that. Right?
I look amazing in shorts.

P.S. And I have an amazing bikini waxer. Take that hoochie coo.

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