Friday, April 10, 2009

You hate bacon? Then, you are the enemy....

I see the yellow brick road, but can't get to it. Brooding crows. Scavenger.

No. Plucked the eyes right out.

The dream? Aquarium.

My shoes didn't fit. And I'm disappointed. Yeah. I tried others on, and they were just as confining. Tight. My feet couldn't breathe. Thank you for opportunity.
Using those manners, southern gal. Would you care for more sweet tea?

I went to a Seder meal last night, and it was amazing.
Church, over all, is.

The funny?
I sat there, listening, reading along, repeating what parts were mine, and I had invasions.
Invasions of a friend that kind of looked dark. In the heart. Repenting during Communion, sweeping my rooms.....

My Pastor at the end of service on Sunday morning, has an invitation. To pray. To come to Jesus. He always asks, if you died today, would you go to heaven?
These thoughts, of dark horses, and my Pastor, collided.

Do you do it for the game? Or you're just supposed to.....
Do you do it for the love? Or for recognition.
Do you pretend for the sake of your children?

With her words, she shook me last night. All I was doing? Sitting on the couch.
And she called me miserable.
All I could ask, would you share a bottle of wine after church?

I told Walt the reason. Why do I look so young? I pack myself in ice overnight.
You know, slow down the blood flow.

Play hobo? Just draw a fake beard. Like that show on Adult Swim.
The Eric and somebody else show. I didn't pay attention.
She then called me out, on my analyzing. I can't help that.
Pray it away?
I got pissed. My scalp was burning. That's when I know, something gets at me.
I said, What's the use in effin' praying? I said that. Out loud.

I don't know what made me feel worse.

Even with The Holy Spirit sitting right there.
The frustration is digging at me. But I was also tired.

The last long dose of sleep was Sunday.
I can't sleep like a lamb at my little house nestled in the woods?
No, I did sleep through, with a beautiful toddler, rustling under foot.
Not my toddler.
(not that cow)
Abby even sat on the couch with me, and I snoozed. Till 11ish.
11ish. Miracles.
Sleeping quilt.

Sometimes, I am so jealous. And I covet.

Like when, someone hands me a pile of money, and doesn't think twice about it. Or, when I see a girl with clear skin, and a cute body. Pick myself apart, hello, vanity. Or why my hair isn't blond? Or question the motive. I'm ok, though. I have pretty brown hair. With blue eyes. Sucker. And freckles. And I'm small. Open my eyes so I may see....

Even I said, there's relief coming. Right after Easter. I know it. I don't. I should believe it. If something is planted in my heart. Shouldn't I ride the tide?

Is that real fear? No, there are only a small amount of things I fear and carry it around with me.Will it kill me? I am letting it, take me hostage though. I don't know anything. I feel it. Rumbling. I just died in your arms tonight. It's probably the thunderstorm. The lightening? Icing on the cake. Revelation?

Champ scared the bojangles outta me. It was dark. The moon came through my navy curtain just right. He glowed in the dark! Even though, I knew, it was him, I still struggled with the light switch.....

Fill up my heart.

When we get by, God has already fulfilled a promise.

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