How many times have you had Bing Crosby ask if I know Dancer, and Dasher, and Donner, and Blitzen? Well, quite frankly..... a million. I always reply with no. I do not know these pets. Stop asking. I might be a little bah humbug. I might not be. This is my way of coping with the Christmas season. Put on my happy pants and deal with it? No. If you wanna know, you need to ask. Feelings projected. If you absorb this try to do this with an open mind. And whiskey.
So here I am. trying to be a little more gracious with my thoughts. Er, and actions. Many things whirling. I need an adventure. This is how it is for me. I need excitement to be hurled at me like crazy knifes at the carnival. THAT would be fun. All decked out in something fabulous with fish net stockings on and not feeling like a sausage. I cannot be left alone with my thoughts. I need an entourage. I need to be needed. I need to be the smoke in the tress. I need the thing that creates the smoke in the trees. I need quite a bit.
My biggest compliment? That someone else finds me interesting. You heard it. Someone else besides me thinks I'm interesting!!!! Score one for the barren, unmarried lady!!!! Yeah, I'm also a martyr. Suck it.
At times I feel like we forget about being human. Having faults. Having these cracks in our shells. Forgetting that this may be the unparalleled beauty we all have and should continue to capture. Flesh and blood. Bones. Capillaries. Veins. Organs.
Not robots or computers. A math problem. The only thing we leave out in day to day is forgetting that not everyone thinks the way they do. Or have what they have. Some are poor, but rich in heart. Some are smooth, but rough around the edges. Sometime I forget to tell people I love them. That's so my damage. The formula to figure it out? Is there. I broach the subject to remind myself NOT to forget. Not to forget how I feel. although fleeting, I still feel lonely.
I have a picture in my mind's eye. On a mountaintop. Waiting.
If I had Pandora's box and had an element of control..... What would happen?
Let's be honest. No matter how ugly it is. I never thought my imagination would run so wild. It turns out, I'm very bright.
I had that notion of running out of ground.
Gradual. Deliberate. Thorough. Subtle opportunities. Available. Leisurely foreplay. A purpose metaphor. Embrace the spirit. The tortoise, not the hare. A 1,000 page novel, not a magazine.
Flooded with Briny emotion on a meandering binge.
Embedded in a labyrinth. Of my own creation. Who are on the verge on being too clever for their own good. As cagey a listener. Searching for hidden vulnerability. In other words.... not yourself.
The opposite of what you think you are.
We all want to be filled with truth. Some of the elastic in my knee socks are shot. That's okay. I bought new ones. BUT it's so tough to let go of the old ones. I have taken care of them and they have tried their best to take care of me. We did share precious moments. I hung them on the clothes line and just like that Ladybird had taken them to the Land of Make believe she has somewhere in the hills of Piedmont.
This is dangerous genius. I want to be careful but live with total freedom and leave doubt in the dust. Be completely enveloped in DYNAMIC PARTNERSHIP.
I love you B. I have no clue if you read this. If you do, great. Take care in understanding my words though. Nothing I say should plant anything negative. You love me with a pure heart and I do the same. Who else grins when I act so fragile! My life falls apart and you think it's the cutest thing when I don't get my way! You are a wonderful triathlete when it comes to the art of making me feel perfect. My ocelot in a roomful of muskrats.
The sun came out today and not a moment too soon.