I read a great, encouraging devotion by Dr. Charles Stanley about jealousy. It was an eye opener and such a blessing. You see, I have been having dreams and fits of thoughts that are not productive for me. These treacherous paths make me feel kind of.....less. I don't want to feel this way. At all. I want to have joy. I want to embrace the gifts of life God brings to me. I want to feel his presence. I fall short. All the time. Yet He loves me. God sees me. Through my faults, my dislikes, my heartaches, my happiness, and my jealousy.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Psalm 37: 4-6 NIV
In the devotion Dr. Stanley discusses how we compare ourselves to others. This is a trap I have been sitting in. This is a trap that steals my joy. This is an affliction that hardens my heart. I felt so convicted reading this I had to share my emotion. I wholeheartedly agree that the consequences are devastating. These fears fill me with doubt. Fill me with fear. Cause me to shut down. I turn into a person who doesn't want to share. As if my cup will not be filled again.
Dr. Stanley continues with stating that confusion, anxiety, and bitterness can flood an envious heart. Just like mine!!! These emotions change me and it is impossible for me to see God's plan for me in view. I cant see the forest for the trees if you will.
What really got my heart was that Dr. Stanley explained it as it dishonors the Lord. I don't want that. At all. Dr. Stanley explained that it was like telling God that "I deserve more than you've provided, and therefore, I don't trust that You truly give me Your best."
I'm keeping this with me. As a reference guide. As a reminder.
Hopefully I can keep my focus.