Monday, December 21, 2009

This feels like Disney World, Band trip style.....

Remember how everyone kept running over your feet with them strollers?

Welcome to my epiphany.

How organized can a tornado be? Turns out, when I make lists and stick to them, I turn into a productive person. Who knew? Truth be told this has been my secret for eons now. I'm perfectly capable of doing things the right way. It's just that my gumption had ran off in the sunset with a handsome stranger. Ya know what? Gumption just came back with it's tail between it's legs. Told you so. These are my struggles, and why not be honest about them? Half the time I feel like I need to be secretive. As if I'm the only person on the planet who feels lacking, intimidated, misunderstood from time to time. We all feel this way. What else has been missing? Confidence. which is something I usually lack. I mean, the wind will blow if it wants to, right? This time of year brings out the best and the worst in people. I just need a little control. I can have this. Control. Yes, I will have it. I will control my eating, my self-deprecating thoughts, I will stop comparing myself to unattainable ideas. Maybe you believe I am not positive, but I am. I am positive that I will do better. To air out exactly what I need to air out. Believe it or not.

No longer frustrated with your point of view, I will have to ignore your opinion. Now, now. I may not be great at this, but there are people in my life who want to control me. Even my thoughts. That's unfair. Stop pointing at me, or her, or him. Sometimes, we have to look at ourselves to find the problem. Or maybe even the solution.

I thought for the longest time life is unfair. It is and all, but it can get better. I have no money, but I pay every thing on time. I made a commitment to my bills. No matter what. I believe God is going to continue to provide for me. I may pray. I may get real specific, but I will receive every thing I need. And, just in time.

You know the struggle. What to pay. What not to pay. Then I heard my favorite money go to guy, Dave Ramsey tell me exactly what most of America needs to hear right now. Pay the electric. Pay the gas bill. EAT. Mortgage. Your "debt" is less important. Dave didn't say this, but trust God. As much as you can.

Take this from a person who has lost everything. Given away things she needed. Kept only the necessary things to get by on, then rebuilt. I'm not exactly where I want to be. BUT WHO IS???

It's coming. I just need enough to get by. God puts the grace in my heart to be humble enough to understand this.

It's difficult.

I want more.

It's not my time to have more.

That's my story. Now go celebrate Festivus!!!!! (With the rest of us.)


  1. I've had to start thinking of finances in terms of dinner time at my house growing up. Take what you need now and if you have room later, you can have seconds. There may or may not be dessert.