Monday, March 8, 2010

Shadow Boxing Acceptance

Boxers on alert! Champ finds himself all enamored with the heater in the bedroom. Which of course turns him all splotchy red and white and pink and i get all concerned. To the ones who dont know, the oil has ran out of my stove - which heats the house - so here we go living with space heaters. blah. The weather has been mild so we havent used them a whole lot but i also dance around the house in flannel pjs slathered in old lady lotion and wool socks pulled up to my thighs. (sigh) we have been living this life for a week. At first I was having raging headaches but I was also a prized candidate for "PMS." Which alternatively stands for Paula's Misguided Sanity. Just if you needed to know. Headaches have eased, and the curse came upon us. (cover your eyes) turns out all is well in the land of TMI. Welcome.

Most of the time this is me: Huh?

You: Repeating what you said.

Me: I cling to you like a security blanket!

You: It's okay.

I bought 1 pair of shorts Sunday. Im super proud of myself. Which sounds like a pitiful whine. maybe baby. I have given away jeans that do not fit. Will not fit. and I will not be a waif again so I dont need your size small tomfoolery. I gave these items to my niece. Which she was super excited. It made me feel good. remotely grown up. I dont know if turning 30 made me cling to the past or catapulted me into acceptance. I think both. The reason size 3's dont fit? Is because I have hips. Nice ones at that. I have a booty. It's not bu-dunk-ba-dunk, or J.Lo-esqe. Its just mine. and it belongs in a decent pair of shorts. or jeans. or whatever. I have made a little bag of shorts that will go to her too. my short selection doesnt fit because I have a rear. (thats why pickle-pear) no biggie. okay, nut that. it is a big deal. because I try to wear things that dont fit because of fear/anxiety/no beuno. the buck end here apparently. (I look normal)

also, you love me the way i am. (no looking back)

B said: You really NEED a laptop.

Me: things come and go. things will come soon.

B: I know.

B and his back hurting mess he is. Which he does to himself. Ya. I said it. BUT. He does so many things he may not WANT to do. Like being understanding. Taking me by the hand and waiting for me to try on shorts that I am afraid of. Er, driving to Sevierville on a busy Sunday afternoon. UH, not killing us in the red machine of camaraderie. Remember, baby steps. (facilitate my life)

I need my wits about me since I expect a group of eels to attack, so I MUST go.

I filed my taxes today. (its about time)

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