Sunday, August 2, 2009

Depression Verses Feeling Blue

I don't know, if I really know the difference. I can say, I am aggravated at a website right now. Huh? How can a website provoke such emotion? Well, it can. This said website promotes, more loneliness than promise that I could have ever conjured up in my on mind. And, I'm super creative. Apparently, I am aggravated with a whole slew of things.

Once again, I feel as if I do not bitch about things I can change. Now, I warn you, this blog will not be for the soft hearted today. If you have a cough due to cold, or faint easily, this one isn't for you.....

I am alone. Read that, over, and over. I cannot change this. I cannot force someone to fall in love with me, have feelings for me, or for Christ's Sake's, have them want to spend time with me. I cannot change this.

These are tough words to discuss. I realize this. A hard pill to swallow to the ones who do love me, and want to spend time with me. But, let's face it, you all have families, spouses, or girlfriends, partners... Obla De Obla Da, Life goes on...... Right?

I don't always want to come clean about the fact, I am jealous of probably everyone I know, and again, don't take this the wrong way, some of you claim to be jealous of me. And that hurts my feelings.

I cannot make someone love me. All I can do, is hope I catch someones eye who is strong enough for me. I am determined. I am a powerhouse of emotion and undying devotion. Honestly. I need someone who has the guts to be able to take care of me, and when I get upset, or aggravated, the know what to say, instead of treating me like a small doggie.

I cannot do everything on my own. Paula, reread this, and know it.... You, sweet girl, cannot do everything on your own. I need someone every know and then.

I had to have a tire changed again yesterday. I realized Daddy couldn't take care of it. It made me mad as a hornet. I just want things to change!!!!

Which brings me to my dream.

This morning, I had a dream about Sue and I going on another ghost hunting tour. We lived on the East coast, by the shore, Josh and Sue were married in the dream, no kids though. Anyway, we went on this ghost tour, and there was a ghost that was interactive with me. Threatening in a way, I was afraid in the dream..... we left the tour, got home, and Josh was like, I'm so glad you're home, there has been all kinds of scary things going on.... the ghost followed me everywhere I went. Our house was really neat though.....We decided to take a vacation and go on a cruise, but before we left, we had to go to my house in Tennessee. Sue and I were standing in the yard, and a deer was running to us. The deer contorted into a horse.... I told Sue, that horse is gonna kick you!!!! I got in front of her, and it did. It did kick, but it kicked me. And just as that happened this older man started to fight with me, and told me the farm was his, and to leave. I hit him. Smacked him, and told him this was my farm, and he better leave. Sue was all behind me, like hit him!!! Yeah, this is her farm!!!! And just as quickly as that happened, all 3 of us were on the ship..... before we pushed off, a woman had fallen to her death, and as we all stared at her lifeless body, the ghost picked me up, and threw me overboard. And I died.

In my dream, I could see me laying there. Dead.

It wasn't scary. It kinda gives me hope. If there is death in a dream, it promotes new beginnings.

So here's knowing. Knowing, feels better than hoping. I will however stop taking things at face value. Sometimes, there is hidden meaning in things, just like in my dreams.

Y'all should read Post Secret today. It's a good one.

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