Friday, August 14, 2009

Hanukkah Candles....

I ain't your steppin' stone. I feel very used today. There's not a specific reason. There are not any brilliant facts to back this asinine story up. I just do. I should feel good. I should feel good about helping people when they need it, and not expect anything in return. I should. That, is the right thing.
Here I am though. Feelin' as if I have collaborated on this huge project, and received zero pay...
That's not how Karma works though. (I still can't help but feel, er, disappointed.)

Maybe that's how I make other people feel, and they never told me. Maybe, I need a roofie. Maybe I need to get away. Maybe it's a hard candy Christmas. Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow.

Do me a favor. Please try hard and not misconstrue what I say. What I attempt to let out. Sometimes, we just have emotions. Sometimes, they will never be explained.

Maybe, just maybe, I am THAT plain.

I have lost faith in "committed realationships." I don't believe in them. For at least today.
What happened? Well, tomfoolery happened. It has been proven. My blue jean mood? Is that sometimes, you have to face facts. Laugh when necessary. Walk away from your dream world. Realize, things are just sad every now and then.

This blog isn't up for discussion. So please do not broach said subject with me.

I want to eat well. Run. Work on the farm. And maybe never write again. My heart is a bruised purple today. It doesn't feel well. She needs the infirmary. She needs, a break. Or, mending.
She needs. And it has destroyed her.
Picture her in a little box. White. With a huge red ribbon. You can see the texture of the ribbon. Shiny. It would be pleasing to the touch. The white box? Would feel a little rough, but appropriate.
You would imagine, it would be growth. That would be the reason why it hurt, or is so discolored. It's the shrinking and growing. She has been exercised to the point of exhaustion.

My heart and I? Have quite a bit in common.

So I stick with her.

Is it funny how I hold my breath for good news? Isn't it funny how happy I look when I do smile? Isn't it funny, I don't want medication to control my emotions and passions? Even when I feel utterly self deprecating? when I feel out of control? When I feel like I may destroy myself?

Why does the wreckage feel so right? Right now?

Here's a funny. Several funnies. I stopped to get gas, and noticed this hottie with a beard @ the Weigel's, and thought I had unlocked my car, of course, I had grabbed the handle and it was still locked. Classic!

Taking the dogs out, we had come in and I smelled poop. I checked my boots. I checked Tiger. I checked, yep, it was the big white elephant Champ. Clueless. He blinked at me. I blinked back. all 4 paws covered in poop. I wrangle Champ into the bath tub, and wash his feet. There was poop on the kitchen floor, here and there. Again. Classic Champ.

Unable to spray hornet nest. Unable to grab table off of barn. It will be mine. Ah ha. Yeah... it will be mine. Just you wait.

Discover and experience the life you were meant for. Insatiable voyeurism is our disease. All our efforts cant be for nothing. (I really want to see the Michael Myers movie.)

More Vonnegut, my love.

"For some people, getting pregnant is as easy as catching a cold." And there was certainly an analogy there: Colds and babies were both caused by germs which loved nothing so much as a mucous membrane.

How easily a teenage virgin could be made pregnant by the seed of a male who was seeking sexual release and nothing else, who did not even like her.

I am ruined. Or I am ruins. I am a cryptic message written in lemon juice, and you just got finished braiding your sister's hair, and she won't turn on the lamp to let you read it.

Even though you were sweet to her. (true story)

I am the night. (I am not, Darkwing Duck) I am IN the night. The moon is a half moon right now, so it's pretty dark. Champ needed to pee at 5 this morning, so I obliged the pups and we went outside. It was super dark. We walked up to the barn. We were all subdued and sleepy.(for once)

Quality, not quantity matters.

3 books I am buying this weekend.

The Great Divorce C.S. Lewis

It sucked, then I cried Heather B. (Awesome) Armstrong

Anything Bukowski

P.S. We have to hoard $25 dollar bottles of wine for the weekend. I'm going to be in the cellar if you need me. If you do need me, leave a note, and please address it as follows:

Dear Ms. Dear Heart:

English Cottage/Farm of Solace Rd. (Formally known as Piedmont Road)

Edge of the world, TN (AKA New Market)

State your business, plain and simple. Nothing hidden. Ms. Dear Heart will respond accordingly.


  1. English Cottage
    Farm of Solace Rd.
    (formally know as Piedmont Road)

    Dear Ms. Heart:

    The book project has solidfied. Need help. Need advice. Require you...

    The Nannerpuss of Possum Holler

  2. It would be a lot cooler if you were Darkwing Duck. I'm just sayin'.