Thursday, September 3, 2009

Good Morning Vietnam!

Er, I mean, America. Eee. I mean, Good morning friends. I'm slappin' on make-up, trudging through a deadly combination of benadryl, coffee, and coke zero. It could get messy.
What's the point then? Life is messy. Our thoughts are messy. We as a whole are messy, strange individuals. I got in a tiff. About being Liberal. Nothing wrong with it. Unless, you are sitting pointing fingers..... If you are so open minded, and can be so untangled, why are other people's views so piousness to you? Just askin'. And just sayin'. You might eat your crow.

They even had to had the last word. I may have laughed 'til I cried, 'til I fell asleep.....

Dreams. Lots of dreams this week. Most of them involve me wearing lingerie. Which is a knee slapper. I'm not that type of gal. Monday night, I dreamed I was a stripper. Yeah. A stripper.

I was getting all dolled up, applying glitter, wearing literally nothing. I had no qualms about it. I was chattin' it up with buddies, putting on a bra, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I need to look up that meaning.

Tuesday? I dreamed I was being chased around town. In you guessed it! Lingerie. This time, in a purple and black lace thing. It was long in one scene, short the next. Sue made me sit on a billboard through most of this dream. This way, the killer couldn't get me, and my arms would be safe. (It kinda sounds logical....)

What? I know, right? He wanted to cut off my arms more than anything. Alright, I gotta look up lingerie and having arms cut off in dreams. (I'm giggling, by the way.)

There was also knee kissing in a grocery store, but, I really don't want to get into that.

To dream you are wearing lingerie, represents your sexual identity, body image, and self-esteem. You may be finally recognizing and acknowledging an aspect of yourself that was not previously expressed.

To see or wear panties in your dream, represents your feminine attitudes and feelings. It reflects a female point of view.

To dream you are wearing a bra signifies support and protection. Perhaps you need to have your spirits uplifted. (ha) Alternatively, it may represent your nurturing side and maternal feelings. (blech) TO dream you are not wearing a bra indicates that you have no discipline or control.

Alternative, it may reflect your sexual nature.

Well, I'm done picking up myself off the floor from laughing, and vomiting. Because, I laughed so hard it made me sick.

This one, though, made sense.

To dream that you are stripping indicates repression of your personal and physical desires.
You are yearning for greater self-expression.

Bingo baby. Me likey.

Here we go String Theory. Maybe we just live in a New England town. By the shore. With a picket fence. You can probably taste the salt on your lips. Near our cottage, there may be interesting warehouses. We probably walk to the dock every day. EEEeE. The house may be surrounded by a rock fence. (pretty) Never mind, that wouldn't be practical with the dogs and all.

Oh shit. I have the country all wrong again.

Mr. Pattison hair/Tyler Durden disposition man and I live on the French countryside. Surrounded by wheat. We have a cute garden in the backyard. Mr. PTD gripes about the rabbits, as I encourage them to eat out of the garden. He stares at me in disbelief.

Then, he grills me about "the book".

I look innocent.

What book?

The book you need to finish. I gasp. I also remind him, (do I not do ENOUGH??!!) that he hasn't signed up for that marathon he wants to run.(he also reminds me with his vicious fishing schedule, this cant be penciled in.)

At this point, I am still sitting on a blanket in the backyard, books scattered, ideas scrawled, page after page. Dogs, eating said sketching pencils. I'm fuming.

I look up at him, and his hair does look beautiful in the sunlight, I cant help but want to throw something at the SOB. Instead, I smile. Then, I throw a God Almighty fit.

Yeah. it's a biggen. We both start finger pointing, crying. Cover our faces, bury our feelings. My dress blows in the breeze. I ask, what do we do? Where do we go? Mr. PTD states, we have to map out a plan.

I concur. He also reminds me how I need a publisher.

At this point, it's evening. I haven't brought in the clothes from the clothesline and he hasn't gathered any wood for the fireplace. ( did you doubt it had a fireplace?) We drink wine anyway, out in the moonlight. I thank him for being a leader, as he thanks me for allowing him to take the lead. (power struggles, are outdated.)

I'm as mad as a hatter. Maybe, I just need a good lay. Funny. Funny girl. That's me. ha. (out of breath.) I am going to The Tallapoosa this weekend. Exciting!!! It's gonna be fun. I'm gonna lose my mind in debauchery and wine. That's the plan at least. I'm gonna double dare somebody, end up on the roof, fall off, and have someone laugh at me. I'm gonna sit outside, and not feel like an outsider. Not that I do with my friends, I just feel that way in general. (on occasion.) Out of my skin. Uncomfortable. Unable to facilitate actual movement, and not pulling any great cons either. Plain and simple. I wanna wanna wanna.

If I were a rich girl.

I am also going to do shots of whiskey.Congratulations. I'm fucking tickled. I'm the picture of happy. Balanced. I'm in every different direction today. Reliving personal nightmares over and over, and of course, finding ways to blame myself. It's a strange comfort to do that. It seems fair and correct.

Careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.

I have memories of nobody, and everyone in between. I have flashes of preparedness. I have visions of rapture. I have moments of clarity. I bang on the door of almost. I lay in the floor in defeat. I throw shoes at you for disappointing me. I hide. Always. I secretly hate my phone and all forms of communication. I'm very scared most of the time, but somehow turn into a rattlesnake.

And, that is only my morning.(in real life.)

I'm only one person, but, as a little birdy reminds me, Hitler was only one person.

And look what he did.

Alright. I'm not looking for mass destruction, or literal extermination of other races. I am looking for total domination in my realm. My life. My course. I guess I could compare myself to the Apostle Paul. He had to start at the bottom, lay in prison, and finally get to the top. He was taught many lessons, and he never gave up.

Hello possibilities. Goodbye doubt.

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