Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday Best

I am blessed. You know how you stand in the shadows, tuck your toes in, afraid of standing in the spotlight? No more. Today would be the perfect day to stick them toes out!!!! I am inspired by Neil Young this morning. Opened up my eyes. I have a question....... What matters to you? Is it the noise of your children in the (early!) morning? Is it the sun shine? Is it morning coffee? Is it baby clothes? Is it your wife? (or soon to be?) Is it 10 lbs?

Whatever it is, embrace it. If it matters to you, it matters to me.

I read an interesting article last night. About how certain (evil) people stay thin. Well, sweetness, it looks like I'm doing everything right except for skipping workouts. Yeah, I get it. Paula, why bitch? You're cute. Little. Tiny. Listen, if it matters to you, it matters to me........

I get it Terry, you have been secretly plotting with Allure magazine and The Nason Household. I get it. I have to work out. And drink more fucking water. Point taken. Please stop handing out paraphernalia and start giving me open handed spankings. IS THAT TOO HARD?

Y'alls mind games are working. Clearly. I am drowning in a sea of paranoia and doubt!!! Congratulations! Hopefully, it will promote some motivation.

Hindered by allergies this week, I hope to progress a little further. I see though, the next few weeks are gonna be hairy. Due to the fact, I am reminded that I need to ovulate once AGAIN this month, is a dirty pool body, Dirty pool. I get it, you are the enemy, self. And all that encapsulates you! I call bullshit! And, SHOTGUN!!!!!!

Like a peach, ripe and juicy, I am fair for the pickin'.

Proven over and over again, I realize things are not as perfect as we like to portray. All in all, everyone bears their own damage. Someone I thought was amazing, wasn't so much. A person told me this week they thought marriage was different than what it is. I suppose, we all paint some kind of picture we want to see. I had to live through a marriage I believed I was happy in. Until his choices reflected exactly what it was. Pretend. I am faking it right now. Pretending I don't hate my own guts. Don't look at me like that. You feel the same way, except we take medication to deal with it. To ignore it. To make it. My way to make it? Is to point out the obvious, feel how I truly feel, good, bad, or indifferent. I'm guilty of hating. I'm guilty of loving. I doubt any one else's heart feels guilty. Right? I suppose our hearts just will not wane. I know that's why, I get so stirred up. And I still care about what you think. The garbage, the funk, the out and out fact that we ignore is because we are all so heavily medicated.....

I am thankful for the whole past 2 years. Where would I be? In a marriage that all in all made me unhappy? Would I have even more burdens that would bear even more heavily on me now? I'm not sure. I think we all unaware of our own actions.

We take for granted. Our spouses. Our friendships. Our children.

Its okay.

I do it too.

Although, as I am often treated like delicate glass, as I should be. I am Gods creature. He created us all to have a LITTLE heart. He also created us to learn lessons. He also, makes me wait on the things on what I took for granted. AGAIN.

Phrases heard through the week:
I just shut the fuck up.
I don't have an oven.
I just wish they were capable.
I wont attend a funeral for a man I didn't like.
There's a hole in my heart. And you are what needs to fill it. (right back at ya, kid.)
Will you pray for my husbands grandmother?
You cut your hair too short.
You can do it.

All I can do, and will do, is try harder. And I will.

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