I'm opening up with this...... I want to stop my blog. Be done with it. All at the same time, I want to go in a new direction with it. Talk less, just about me, personally. Sometimes, I don't want to open up. I don't want anyone to know whats brewin' in the coffee pot. I get aggravated, because I feel as if I'm in this glass case. With many little scientists deciding what might be wrong with me, or if you find yourself thinking, I'm too sad, and God Bless it, I'm over the moon about it. This morning, laying in bed, I could feel my eyeballs swell out of my head. Champ's wet nose pressed to mine. I asked him, "Aren't you just sick of it some days? " Champ told me no, and kissed my face. That, made me smile.
But what if I don't know of anything else to write about? What if I'm restricting myself? Why would I want to give up? I suppose, its doubt. And fear.
My knee socks are rolling down.
Hmm. Let's pray. That may be what I need. Bear with me.
I am scared. Frustrated. Confused. I pray you prepare my heart. I pray for your touch on me this morning. Help clear out these cobwebs that provoke negative thoughts. Please cleanse me of negative people. Help me see your Divine Love. I'm broken. I'm bare.
Dear God! Please don't let me wait too long!!!!
Where are these open doors? I don't pray for them anymore. Help my Spirit to rest. Calm my feeble temper. Let the storm pass.
I heard the sermon you sent. About how storms are necessary for a Christian to grow. The Pastor stated how we should pray for storms in our lives. Because that's when we cling to you. We learn in order to grow. I understand the message.
I'm asking Lord. Show me the path you want me to be on. With my writing. With the farm. With my parents. With my life in general. Open me up. To possibilities.
I realize, you have brought me to some pretty radical steps. You have brought confirmation and asked me to be brave, even if it reaped personal setback. Even if it means embarrassment. Even if it means, leaving things behind. Even, Lord, if it means I have to work THAT much harder.
I hope, those were the things you wanted me to pursue. You are working hard on my ill little heart. I know!!!! It's ornery!!!! It's a mean little thing. You force it open, sending messages.
Making me sensitive. Allowing me to count my blessings. Pull me out of the sea.
Just come get me.
Please Lord! Just don't let me wait too long.
I won't close with Amen, I want this prayer to stay open, to let you in all day long!
Wheeeew. It feels good to pray. It sweeps away that stifling feeling. Anyone who thinks I talk about God too much, is very afraid. And naive. And, probably a Liberal. (Kidding) Not that I mind, but folks label me all the time as a Republican Southern Baptist. And, my label, does not define me, I am beyond a label.... and imagination.
Well, honey, if lovin' you is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Leaving you with more song lyrics, that have become my mantra.
Jack Johnson, (famous pantie dropper) and a little bit of his song Breakdown.
But if you can't stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don't know nothing
That you don't need to know
The wisdom's in the trees
Not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing
If you don't let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the shades down low.......
Watch out, cause here I come!