Friday, September 11, 2009

Number 8!!! Come on down!

We all knew it would get to this point. Sigh. You know we have to stop meeting like this.
One day, it's all going to have to be over. Hey, now just stating the obvious. Does it mean my heart will go on? Of course it will. So will yours. It is a big step. It will be scary. But, so necessary.
And common. I will miss it just as much as you do, so let's not draw it all out. Okay?

Hmm? What's that? (I just looked up from my coffee cup) What am I thinking? At that direct second I was thinking about how uneven my hair is, and how I need to wait to cut it again. It's too short. It's all fucked up. From my point of view.

Oh, you meant about our situation. Well, you know I love you, but....... it has become too much for me. I have all these emotional barriers, I'm not ready to let you help me but I am ready to let you go. I can't stand the thought of being controlled, even though, it's not what you're trying to do.... This thing comes at me, and I immediately put up my shield. (Wonder Woman bullshit, at that.)

I close my ears, cause I'm done listening. I've heard all I want to hear, so therefore there is no use for you to continue talking, complaining, pointing out where I fall short, and how I could improve.

So we need to end this. That's all.

I like the shocked look on your face. It's entertaining. This quarry has been mined, way too much over time. The technique is ineffective. Sorry.

When did you become such a proud ass? I knew you would pour on the drama! You wear it around like a big 'ol drag queen. Your nails do look amazing by the way.......

This isn't about how you look though. It's about my metamorphosis.
You know! How I'm changing into the beautiful butterfly!!!!! In exactly one month.

Miss Hot Pants Paula Queen of the Desert will be 30. To the day. We begin the countdown, slowly, and hopefully, to come out of the fire transformed, like a Phoenix. In heels.

And getting weekly manicures. But looking, a little hotter.

You have introduced a new night cream onto the shelf in the bathroom. Step one.
Eat well. Eat better. Do not cave in to cravings. You're so much better than that. Step two.
Keep trying. Even if you fail. Step three.
Comparisons are for the weak. Again, you're better than that. Step four.
Resolve. Be confident. Instead of treading the water, swim. Step five.
Acceptance. Step six.
If it aint workin', work it out! Step seven.
Sleep more. Maintain your rest. (Even if it doesn't fit into someone else's schedule.) Step eight.
Keep on keepin' on........ (Watch your speed.....) Step nine.
Plan a little more carefully, watch what you say, try not to eat your crow. Step ten.

I could go on, and on.

You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless. Song of Solomon 4:7

For this is what the Lord Almighty says, for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye. Zechariah 2:8

The above verses go to all of us. The lessons I have learned over the year have helped me grow. The learning, has changed me. Bryan told me Tuesday that I have changed. He said all the changes have been for the best, and show my true colors and with that, proves how resilient a soul can be.

It looks like the whole lot of us are coming to the end of different passages of life. New eras. I am turning into a different woman than the 29 year old me. I believe, it's all gonna be alright.

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