Friday, November 13, 2009

Clown Monkey

Brutally honest Friday? I was surprised to find the holiday season upon me today. I am celebrating my roller coaster emotions honestly. Airing them out. Just so everyone knows, and we can all be on the same page when I get desperately quiet and can only answer "uh huh" or "uh uh".

I'm jealous. There ya go. Apparently this is a monster I will always battle. I shooed him out from underneath the bed last week and I really thought he was gone for good. I was wrong. He's back.

Let's not butter me up here, okay?

I'm jealous of the perfect photos of Sue and Josh's perfect little baby, the most handsome George. I want one just like him.

Then, to make matters worse, Angie is pregnant, and working it all out by controlling radio stations I listen to, in order for me to hear "Do the dinosaur" and again, her spirit animal (a doe) was right by the barn again this morning. She does these things through mind control all the way from North Carolina. It's such a talent, and I am mad I am not as advanced as she is. It has to be the pregnancy, right? Maybe she's always been this maniacal.

Oh my. Just hold me.

I had talked briefly to Terry this morning and he and Ashley are taking Quincy for his jaundice test. Well, this spawned emotions of "I want to take my baby for a jaundice test!" Unreasonable, right? This is where I swear Terry plunged the knife even further. He had gotten up every 2 hours with the baby to feed and adore. That Terry, he's such a bastard. HE KNOWS I love getting up in the middle of the night every 2 hours with a baby. I'm so on to his twisted game. I love him though.

Then, I remember. MY baby boy Champ is at the hospital. I have my own baby to take to the doctor and get up with every 2 hours with. So ha. Actually, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

In your face with y'all and your "children." Human children. What's next? Cars that can drive on their own? Corn that takes itself off the cob itself? Preposterous.

Positive things? I have found a training class for Champ for B and I to take him to. I just gotta work out the specifics. We discussed certain time lines and are writing up "dismissal" drafts to roommates, vagabonds, and to roommate's girlfriends. My dogs deserve a fenced in back yard, and guess what? I think they're all gonna get one. I have even heard, now this is a rumor, that said fence could even be redone the way I want it. Crazy huh? Now that's a mother fucker who knows how I work, and gets a pat on the back for being such an organized thinker. It's the fisherman in him also. Going with his gut and insight to the creature known as "The PLN."

Now he knows said creature cannot ever be caught, contained, tamed, or changed. She'll bite your fingers off. Not without a second thought.

Ran into Mama at the grocery store yesterday. Somehow, we were discussing coyotes, and you know. Guns.

Mama - "Would you like a .38 for Christmas?"

Paula - "Yes."

Mama - "Every lady needs a gun."

The French Tickler of the conversation?

Mama - "You need to be carrying." "I will find out when the class is, you know, to get your permit."

Alrighty then. We have the Griswalds. We have the Flinstones. We have Lucy and Desi. Then there's a clan in the trenches of Piedmont known as The Northerns.


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