Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Amazing Grace

You know those days where you feel trapped in the dryer, screaming to get out? I'm not familiar with the feeling either, but, we can always put ourselves in another persons shoes. We can all humble ourselves to empathize. It's the power to do so.

Claims of out and out openness? It's a quality you don't have to advertise, people meet you, learn your personality, and then they can see it in you.

Most "open folks" are only open to what they like, or care about. Political, social, environmental, spiritual.

Maybe, shut your mouth, and open ears. I think that's a Marine Corp thing. I don't know. Or it's from a movie. Either way, I love the words.

Too often, we are swept up. In tides that drown us, do not empower us.

Over analyzing, uncomfortable finger pointing. Convincing ourselves, that our opinions are truth.
When the fact of the matter is? Truth proves itself, over and over. Just like being genuine. Just like being honest. Just like being who you are.


So hop on down the bunny trail.

I had told Landa, Monday night, I felt like I was laying still, and everyone else was racing past me. She looked at me, then said, Paula, I think it's you who is running a million miles ahead of everyone else, and we are the ones staying still.


Isn't it lovely? To look at someone else's point of view, from where you are unable to see?

I tried to think of the many points of views that had come across my path, since last Thursday. That, was my pivot point.

Tuesday, was an amazing day. I had my haircut. And Pete, called me out.

I sat in the chair, as he looked at me...I told him, Pete, I am pissed at God. I am let down. Over, and over. I could care less about God, since I feel so left behind. I'm pissed, that I have to be different. (sound familiar?)

There's a recurring theme in my life as of late. I am different. The end. I'm just gonna have to be. I don't like where I am right this second, but, I'm moving forward, at least.

Trial and error.

Hiking with Shelane went very well. It gave me a chance to reconnect, and realize what my salt is worth. Why I wake up. Why I am not burying my head in the sand.

She laughed at me, bc, if you ever go on a hike with me, I want to be dirty, be right smack dab in the middle of the water on the rocks. I want to climb, and just about run through the trails. (picture, toothpick legs)

I had layed on this rock, that literally was leaning into the water, I layed on my belly, all I wanted was to feel the rushing water in my hands. Shelane was like, can I help you? Let me hang on to you. NO!!! If you grab me, I will fall. (those are my shenanigans, and you can high five me later)

As we drove back, listened to Jack Johnson, I was breathing normally. For the first time, in what felt like decades, I was breathing normally. I didn't feel wrapped up in the carpet, being flung into the landfill, and praying to be crushed.

I felt relief.

Terry Wise met his match in running last night.

Had the nerve to tell me he could dominate me.

I win the gold effin medal for domination. Over anything. Including, running.

We ate at the Cuban B, and laughed. Had fun. (fried plantains, excellent!!)

More relief.

Sometimes, I'm gonna hurt, sometimes, I'm gonna be the peanut butter, to your jelly.
Sometimes, you're gonna have to wear shades, cause I'm just that shiny.

P.S. Terry wanted to use a sharpie to play connect the dots with my freckles at the Cuban last night, and then half-way through it, pussed out. Peace out.

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