Friday, May 22, 2009

Dial Soap

One of my favorite memories surprised me today. The google thing, is the lady washing the little girl's feet?

Let me start with my house. It is my Mamaw's house, which my Daddy grew up in, the farm I live on, was a beautiful fruit and nut tree farm at one point. My little house, is perfect, tucked away in the woods, hidden from everyone.

It's gorgeous. And perfect. Maybe not the priciest, not the most fixed up. It has character. The sink in my kitchen? Is the sink I sat on as a little girl as my Mamaw would wash my feet. In a dishpan. Which I still have. Displayed proudly. She would use Dial soap. The gold kind? It smells so clean. One of my favorite smells.

I, love to be barefoot. I would run on the gravel road, run through the field. Barefoot. Walk by the pond. Shoot basketball with my sister. Ride my favorite horse. All barefoot. Ride on the tractor with my Daddy....... busy little girl.

My little house? Is full. Full of memories. Good and bad. Open to new ones.

I am looking forward to my weekend. To spend time with Sue's family. She has a big family. Which, I admire. I admire Sue and Josh, and I am sure, I will cry when I have to leave. Cause that's how I roll.

Playing in the yard, Sue taking pictures of us(maybe?), baseball?, beer drinkin', chasin' kids, being barefoot. You can count on it. Talking, talking, talking. I can't wait. I just want to be outside.

I just want to be around love right now. I'm just in that kind of mood. Unspoken respect.

Oh, I hope we sit around a fire too. I really don't care what we do, as long as we can spend time together. Those are the best. I remember sittin' on the tobacco wagon of my Papaw's. Rachel braiding my hair, making daisy chains. Simple as being barefoot.

That's the kind of life, I am trying to cultivate.

A loving home, with sweet memories for my children. With a husband, who looks at me with great respect, and endearment.

My niece was the valedictorian as you may know, graduation was last night. I saw my little girl, making steps to grow up. I sat there, with tears in my eyes. My Daddy? Held my hand. My Mama? Made me cry harder. She said, you will have a little girl like that one day, just as exceptional. My Mama, using, my word. Exceptional.

My Mama. Making my heart grow even more. And, of course, long for it a little more too.

Haley was more than perfect. She is shy, like me. We don't usually bound into new situations. It takes us a while to bloom. But, when we do, watch out. Turning into one of the biggest flowers in the garden. She gave her speech, made eye contact. She's 10. Making eye contact with the crowd.

I can't imagine how Rachel felt.

Maybe I shouldn't be so. No, that's wrong. I am, just so.

I am just so. Waiting. Full of hope. Optimistic. Wanting. Aching. For my own. For whatever it is.
My prayer?

Dear Lord,

Help keep me on the path. I am so sorry for the things I do that do not glorify you, Lord. I pray for your forgiveness, and your hand to be with me.

Just don't let me wait too long, Lord.

For what? I am unsure. I just don't want to wait too long.


I am a prayer. I pray for everything, everyone. Ask me to pray. I will make time to do it. I pray when I am working, running on the track, washing dishes. Before eating.

I pray out loud, in the car, as I fall asleep. When I text. Making phone calls. Writing e-mails.

Shelane James, A.K.A., Skinny Bitch, said, I have learned everything I know about patience from Paula. Wow. I must be doing something right.

Then, the same day,Landa, gave me another compliment.
We had been talking about intellectual people.
She was like, word!, just like you, a brainiac.

Ok, Landa, didn't use the term, word.

Here I am, independent thinker. Craving what is mine/or coming soon(?).

I have to make a list today.

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