Friday, May 1, 2009

Thank you, Mrs. Robinson

My thoughts a re a mess today, so I don't even know if I'm gonna use spell check. Or proof read.
I'm a tiny size 4. If I don't gorge on Dos Equi's Light, I can squeeze into a 2.
(ok, ok, that's not true, I have a sweet ass, and thighs that could break you in two, like a gator in the middle of a death roll.)
I'm a freakin' midget, according to airports, I could be considered a carry-on.
My tininess? Due to stress, mostly. I berate the fuck out of myself, when I sit and eat a whole carton of ice cream through out the week. When that guilt comes rollin' out, I turn into a zen master of self-denial. I could be a perfect Catholic.

Well, Mr. Sister.

I admit, it's a flaw. It's when those flaws become out of control.
The voices in your head?
Hey, bitch, you're not good enough.
Why try? You're gonna fail.

It can turn into Carrie with a quickness. ( They're all gonna laugh at you.)

I'm gonna wash that man/woman/friend/issue/problem/flaw/ parent/drug/sex/alcoholism/self-esteem/ health/ spirituality right outta my hair.......

Wouldn't that be nice?

A home run in the terms of baseball......

We could just turn our backs to it. Here I am, smiling like the devil.

I had a man say to me yesterday, what are you so happy about?
Every time I see you, you have a big smile on that pretty face.
Honey, I will gladly tell you.

1. I'm alive. Sure, I've been down and out, but I'm a come-back kid. (Don't forget it.)
2. I have everything I need. Food, shelter, money, family, friends.
3. I am faithful. And, it will be rewarded.
4. Ya know, there's too much too type.....

My fear? That thing most of us ride hard.......

I don't like this about myself.


I, hate this situation. Fear again.


I went running at the dam last night. Check, it's dangerous for me to be out at dusk by myself. Check. With my i-pod blaring. My fear actually came in handy last night. It helped me finish. I didn't want to. I wanted to give up. But, I pushed through.

The prickly pear?

Sometimes, fear makes you a strong little mountain goat. No, I don't recommend doing things that are dangerous. But I do recommend trying things on that are, uncomfortable. I do. If you bomb, you bomb. But isn't it great when you gain?

Dear Shelane, I am still ring leader and dominating queen of getting as many phone numbers as possible. Thank you. - Love, Skinny Bitch

Oh, and if you eat crap, you feel like crap. Don't blame the burrito. It is never sweet burritos fault. I.E. Top portion of blog....

I just heard this song by Led Zepplin that always makes me think of this (short-term) boyfriend I had. His name was Mark. Beautiful man. Artist. Could run one finger down the length of my body from toe to head, and you know, start some fires. If I saw him today, I would high five him.

Mmm mm mm. He helped me. With opening my mind. With just helping me realize what true abandon felt like.

I have a portrait he had drawn of me. So funny. It's carefully folded and put away. I can just look at the creases of the paper and smile.

Hands on my lips.

He said " A woman like you could feed armies. " (I can feel my pulse flyin'.)

Mark probably has 3.5 kids, a beautiful wife, and a mortgage that's about to kill him.

Back to fear. See how I roll? In your face. Sporadically. Honey, even the cold hearted have fear. Thems the folks, who, are the most afraid. That's right. If it's not so true, how 'bout provin' me wrong? Go ahead. Face it.

Couldn't you just give me a bare bottomed spanking?

P.S. Watch out, more shenanegins are just about to unfold. Just a warning.

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