Friday, October 16, 2009

The Hit Factory

Starting with today, I slept late. I held dogs, made breakfast. Champ has had an air of a bad boy today. I can usually pick up when he feels like a wild ass. I'm going to get right to the point. Champ ate nail polish while I was in the shower. Yeah. I opened the shower curtain and smelled it. I jumped out, attacked Champ with my bits and pieces hanging out and got it out of his mouth. First of all, it's clear. So he didn't turn into a Champ of a different color. Second of all, he didn't seem to eat a lot of it. Third of all, and the least important, is that it got all over the carpet. I tucked him into the car, I had barely enough on to be considered decent and got him to Dr. Johnson. I was terrified. Still am. I hope he vomits it all up. I hope the chemicals don't cause any muscle damage. I am freaked out. With that said, I have confidence in the only doctor I trust. My vet.

Last night I did move the pie save on my own, and it looks glorious in the living room. Daddy ordered my gas for my stove today. Yay! I love heat!!!! I lined LBD's doghouse with cedar chips. I have cleaned, hauled off old dishes. Going to purchase new ones when I get in the mood, and refrain from freaking out. Yeah. Refrain.

I have a lot on my mind today so it's here and there. I know you are not surprised. If you care anything about this blog it's only bc it's a ridiculous account of my life and ramblings I write down about said life experiences. Hope you enjoy. The following is from Saturday on. Please, no reading in between the lines. Some of it is dicey. Some of it will knock your socks off.

I'm ready if you are. I have stopped myself over the past week (lifetime) from screaming, tantrum throwing, and out and out bedazzling the few who say they love me. I fight continually the bitch inside me that tries to suffocate the good me, or how she wants me to feel not good enough. Very comic book, eh? Very real. Very tough. I know the lot of you relate to how I feel. That bitch is a liar. I drowned her in the tub. With that said, let's get the ball rolling on the sea of emotion and passion that builds up. Constantly. You know those preconceived notions that we make up in our big brains, fill in your own blank here sailor....... those insecurities that make us impeccably human.

Sometimes I prefer living on the desert island known as my precious little house I have made for myself. It isn't desolate. In fact, it's a such a breath taking escape that you should be eaten up with jealousy. In my kind world, there is soap. Fantastic pastors. Colorful words slapped about. Smells of comfort, hammock swaying lightly in the breeze. I keep looking. And you found me. Fantastic.

Life takes it's measure, doesn't it? Remind us where we are and what we want out of life. Generally, I think it's all screamingly funny. People come and go. Some want your life to revolve around theirs. Some, act as if everything will end if they don't tell you what to do. Actually, there are folks out there who want you to believe they are cold. Yet, they feel just as lonely in a roomful of friends as I do. Too bad you might be too weak to admit it.

I don't have expectations, but I know a good feeling when I have one. Unreasonable demands? Only when you don't meet me in the middle. I am earning a place in the midst of others pairing off, and honestly, we might be on the same wave lentgh. I'm trying not to feel so entitled. I think mostly you want me, you imagine me just the way you want me to be. There's no harm in that. Remember, you love to hate me, and hate to love me. Sounds right. This isn't a bad thing. I inventory said fantasy of unrealistic. Unattainable. I understand the difficulty of having to admit the fact of the matter. Listen. I wont be available for long. This is how cocky I am. Realize the limited time offer. It's still unclear who turned away. Pursuit is a hard road to hold.

I don't need the back story. Quite frankly, I am not interested in back peddling. Only in moving forward. Half the time I don't want to know what you're doing. It would be good for you to remain silent. At least, halfway. Keep up the mystery. But go ahead and peek. Its like watching with your fingers in front of your face. You want it, but its scary.

Sue, I cant wait to do silhouettes with you. On pins and needles. Glad to see we are on the same page. I could care less how "far away" you are.

Back to the story, I was disappointed we couldn't consummate the deal. I mean, I thought you were too. That solved the riddle in my mind. If it did hurt, and you didn't like that fact, we should talk about my perseverance. I'm a fucking mountain goat when it comes working through it. Relentless wouldn't be a appropriate definition. I'm sure to answer the call. Shouldn't we be in the hall of fame together? I am looking for unreasonable temptation. If I'm in my prime shouldn't these limits be tested? If you've never had the best, how will you know until it happens? I bring it to the table, just in case you stumble upon this. If you are unmarried, unattached, claiming to be unattainable, just turned 19, or you know, ready for a challenge........let a grown woman know.

(And I will promise to stop making fun of you for it)

Call me aggressive. Keeping company just isn't enough. I am apologetically me. Whether possessed by emotion or gumption, most of the time it's unclear which is which.

If patience is a virtue......and this is a World War, I would receive a purple heart.

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