Wednesday, October 7, 2009


And other concepts of my life. Listen kitten, I need world wide suggestions of what to do the eve of said birthday. Just in case you missed it, the title of my blog, (I think) will be the title of my birthday weekend. It's just an idea tossed around. Er, where to start? I wanna drink wine, and get all gussied up. I want to lay around in a honky tonk and drink canned beer. I would like to go out dancin' all night and howl at the moon. Now, I know this seems a little extreme to the untrained eye.... but we all know how I am a life piranha at the moment. I like it. Feeding off of everything I can get my mind wrapped around. I feel extraordinarily creative and visionary right now. I went to bed at a decent hour, but I didn't go to sleep quickly. I had plenty of time to write in my journal. I sat in bed read my bible. I prayed for great things. Mostly for other people, but of course I mentioned my needs too. I scoured some Vonnegut and a Witchcraft book I found. Don't be weird. I love being open minded and free thinking. I picked up a book by Beth Moore who is a Christian writer for mainly, women, but she reaches out to anyone who will listen. She's a Texas gal, all in your face, and lovin' every second of it. When she speaks on the radio, she calls her audience "Beloved", and it gives me chills. It makes me feel embraced by a stranger. (Ina good way) So no matter how much I hear it I adore it that much more. "Starve the flesh, and feed the spirit." I'm trying. I want to. I want to absorb it all. I want, and I do starve negative thoughts, ideas. I want anything negative to be starved and stomped out of my life like a cockroach. I am/will conquer the giant. I reach out for ultimate comfort. I believe the arms are wrapped around me daily. Sometimes I choose to accept the arms. There are moments I am blinded by my own desires that I do not accept what would be great for me. Live and learn? Constantly.

As a matter of fact, I do feel lucky. Hmmm? Yes! I told you! I do feel lucky! Calling me a punk is a little out of order though. Did your mother raise you to call ladies names? Entitled to options. A herd of deer almost killed Terry and I the other night. Crazy stalking deer.

I would let them all think it was their idea.

I mean, I understand that I may be labeled as "small town." Grown up on a farm, and still living here and loving it. I love all things different, odd, even on the macabre side. It's infectious. I am struggling with certain amounts, amounts of finding where I fit. I live for all art. Written, photography, tattoos, print, paint, all mediums intrigue me. I wear galoshes. Often. I love pilates, but I also love being a sloth on the couch with the dogs. I enjoy making supper, but I also love to go out!!! Above mentioned, I love wine, but I will drink moonshine out of a jar too. I am a Southern Baptist, but I am open minded to all religions. I can't stand the thought of disrespecting someone else's belief system. That, is being hypocritical, and I don't dig that man! there are glimpses of where I am Humpty Dumpty. I enjoy that role. I love to be tended to. Petted on. Relished over.

I looked in the mirror and asked where you had come from. There are tangible moments I find myself looking at my freckles. I worry they may go away. What's a Paula without freckles anyhow? I mean, have you ever seen an old person with freckles? If so, please share photos too.

Man is a biped without feathers. PLATO

We should keep each other from harm. Wouldn't that be helpful? I would be exuberant to have the capacity to do so. I may love too much! Hardly. I need to love everyone I come across. Not pick them apart. Why is that so hard? We see what we want to see. Elephants are gray but not everything gray is an elephant.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry bout tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. Matthew 6:33-34

It may be a big rabbit hole. Hopefully you will follow me. I may not know any better. You may not claim to learn the lesson. We may fight for our lives. I will fight for my right to party. I need excessive information so I can make informed choices. Looking through these blood shot eyes, or rose colored glasses. I tend to look through both. I need to know more about why not. So when will I know? What's the story morning glory? I took off the gloves, I laid them on the counter. It really was a sign, except you mistook it for an everyday movement. It was so shocking to find how calculated I am - It befuddled the opinion of what could have been. Whether I took the bait or laid the trap - all in all either way, it wasn't as bad as you made it out to be. Right? It didn't really matter or add together the appropriate response.

Have I gone too far? Not far enough, rather. The push will be a big comfort. And welcome. The edge looks nice. I noticed how the high road wasn't an option. It makes sense though. If I mentioned the brilliance, would you be convinced? I would rather be discovered rather than advertised and whored out. Just like Tyler Durden mentions on my t-shirt...................... THEY'RE ALL WHORES.

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