Friday, July 17, 2009


Coincidence, this woman who attempts, to cross all of our path's. She came to call last night.
Or tried, at least. It all started with watching "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." This is one of my favorite movies. Ever. My sister and I would watch this on tape in our room, and laugh ourselves to pieces. I don't know why we were allowed to watch this movie as girls, maybe because it was kind of a musical, and we were so into it, we didn't realize exactly what the movie was about. Who knows? It spurn my love affair for Burt Reynolds even more, who, I don't care, is a good lookin' man. Dark eyes, dark hair, that wonderful moustache. Yeah, I'm a sucker for a hot, good-lookin' moustache. I love The Reynolds. And, I'm going to stop right there, because I could write all day and all night about why and how and if our world's did collide, it would shatter your ever lovin' face. And I love your face, so I don't want to do that. Dolly Parton, is incredible in said movie, I stuffed my shirt with as many tube socks as I could find. Rachel and I would artfully apply the red lipstick we thought went all over our faces. She was the epitome of all Southern Women everywhere. I pledge allegiance to Ms. Dolly. (Oprah, maybe hailed as one of the "most successful business women," but let's give it up, for the real deal.)

Anyway, I had sent a text to Rachel, but had put in the wrong number. So the wrong number person told me so, I apologized, because, the text said, "Whorehouse!!! On CMT!!!! Turn it!!!"
This person wanted to chat, so I did. Listen, I see where you are starting to shake your head, and yes, it's probably another one of my hair brained schemes. Trust me. I am a professional shit starter for myself. I told this person we would have to talk some other time, I needed to go to bed, and I had already gotten off the phone with The Nason's, and my phone was dead. So who knows? Josh Nason, this said individual is a Yankee's fan. Just sayin'. And anything could happen. What if, and, I don't believe in Her, Coincidence.... is just a Coincidence?
Off my soap box!

My belly still feels bad today. It must be my penance for eating like hell yesterday.
Paying in full, bitches.

"I'm a volcano, just about to erupt." Paula Northern

I am taking you all back in time. 6 months ago? I started talking to this person, I thought was a hot dude, artistic, kind of weird, but all at the same time fascinating. Wonderful. He is divorced. We had quite a bit in common. This, is where it gets tricky. This person wasn't at all what I had painted them to be. Not even a brushstroke of what I thought they were made of. Turns out that they were even more cardboard than I knew. Sometimes, the people we are so enthralled with, are the wrong thing for us. We disappoint ourselves, when we, perceive our own "false idols," witnessed first hand. You see, just now, am I truly learning a lesson this individual taught me 6 months ago. Thick headed? You have no idea. I had painted this person, who in essence, I was sure, understood me. But, no. Creative and insightful. Divorced and misunderstood. Common ground isn't always the best place to start. The dig turns more into, "I told you so." In the end.
When I felt so "understood," turns out, I had let my guard down. I'm not saying I should always be on the defense, but I need to learn the balance of my own "Good Intentions." I had let my guard down, to myself, not the person, as I first thought. I, had made myself vulnerable. Not the other way around. I felt accepted, and at that present time, it was too dangerous of a mine field to invite another wounded soldier.

The true question? Where does my heart beat now? In my chest. Very strong. Extremely loud. An absolute force to be reckoned with. Full and patient.

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