Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pitbulls and Goats

The difference? Not many. Both animals. Both come in a variety of colors. Both live very close to my house. In the same pen. You read correctly. In the same pen. Living comfortably. Happily.
Oblivious, or so it seems. I long for that type of ignorance. Instead, I am living my life full of fear to the point, it has damaged friendships, possible realationships. It really, is astounding.

Now really, my friends, I have to take that thing, you know, accountability into my little arms once again. I have no idea why I admire her so much. I suppose it has to do with my belief in God, and Jesus Christ as my Savior. He expects nothing but accountability, and all we have to do, is ask for forgiveness. What a blessing!!! What a Gracious Savior we can serve.

I have not been an example lately, even with, my friend's helping hands, words, and thoughts.
I needed you, and you were there. Thank you. Without question, hesitation, or abandon. It has been amazing for me to realize, in my journey of self-worth and discovery of who I really am.
I continue to write, even when I don't feel like it. Some of you tell me, you look for my posts daily, and are disappointed, when I haven't had time, or just the motivation.

Recently, I received something that I am not supposed to talk about. I will!!! I can't help it!!! This letter, as I read, over, and over, delights my little soul. I am in awe of the person who had taken the time to write said letter, and if I may, I am going to quote.

"I am surprised birds and tree rats don't do your housework."

Well, as a matter of fact, I am too.

I see my life all too often as a fairytale. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Hansel and Gretel.
It is a shame I do not have a fairy Godmother to fix my problems. And some days, I gladly play the part of Cinderella. We ultimately have so much in common. I could ride in a pumpkin, you know, like the one in the World Record Books?

I don't believe it's silly of me to think that way, because between the past few weeks, you all, have encouraged me, and loved me, no matter what. When things haven't been great. Called me out when I have been pretending.

Another quote? "You glitter."

I see it too. It resonates in photos. When I look in the mirror. When I get to adventure.

Luke 5:3-7

The passage of Simon, who had been fishing all night, with other men, had caught nothing, but Jesus told Simon to put his nets down, and bought up many fish.
"Put out into the deep water and let your nets for a catch."
Jesus' request for Simon to move into "deeper waters" is a challenge. Peter's obedience in letting down the nets even though he was tired and didn't think it would be a fruitful endeavor has been a source of encouragement. The deeper water highlighted Peter's obedience in the midst of fatigue.

Ain't that the truth. This is where I need to renew my faith. Rely on the promise, and put my nets into "deeper waters."

You have heard me say, I am full of fear this week. I have been. for a while. I try to push it down. Most of the time, I am fearless. Walking barefoot in the tallest grass, weed eating in bikini tops, hiking by myself, taking walks in the dark, when anything could happen. I believe, wholeheartedly in taking risks. Bold, Grand, Risks. I am always enticed by what "Could possibly happen."

It's a beautiful thing. I want to be out there, in the deep water, hanging on, even if it is a little lifesaver float. Most of the time though, I am out on a sailboat, relaxing, listening to the waves.
It isn't hard to be open, it is hard to be hurt by other's, and by my own hand at times.
(Self-infliction, is a hateful, nelly thing.)

But I have to. Read those 4 words, once again! BUT I HAVE TO!!!

New avenues, are in abundance, I rarely grow tired to find the correct street. I need my hand to be held some days, weeks, minutes. Actually, there are days you find me crawling, because I back peddle and claim I have forgotten how to walk.

Big Girls do cry. It's okay to not be okay.

I have to mix in with the pitbulls and goats, and live in peace, right along with them.
And, I am a fucking Genius. This is written on my bathroom mirror.

Ghost tour, I know, I have not spoken about, but I will. I will!!!
I need to feel a little more light hearted to describe the absolute fun time
I was able to share with Sue. I will also go over some purchases I made, and the Parisian Woman I met yesterday. Remind me to tell you all about the "man tub."

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