Thursday, July 23, 2009

Movie Titles

What movie(s) and my life parallel at the moment? Simple Bridget Jones' Diary and of course Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Why? BJD, because, I am on the cusp of thirty, drinkin' wine like a fish, struggling with my weight, branded as an eternal old maid. (I only smoke, well, I bought cigs, only smoked one.) As you know, I keep journal after journal. Stuffed to the gills with thoughts, and like I said yesterday, full of Fucking Genius. Fear and Loathing? Even more straight to the point, I do have a little suitcase, it may or may not be stuffed with drugs, (or candy), and I am always on an adventure, with Terry Wise. Looking straight down the barrel of a shotgun. You could find us in the middle of the desert, (or railroad tracks), being Utterly Paranoid. Not from drugs, but from possible Sugar consumption, and out and out adoration for each other. Me likey.

I talked to Ed last night, and hopefully, we have reached a new understanding in our friendship.
If anyone has ulterior motives, it isn't me. I am way too brave, and I have NOTHING to lose, my dear.

I am shocked. I am shocked at the cheating I heard about. If you wanna get technical, Adultery.
Not once, but many, many times. And this woman is pregnant. You all stop lookin' around at each other, pointing fingers. It's someone some of us know, I grew up with the husband, and never really cared for the wife. Yep, there it is. Out on the table. I do not understand cheating. I never have, and I never will. I believe it is a wound that never goes away, and is always in the back of your mind. Sometimes, Angie, you have said it, we think that things have happened for me to share my story, to help others. I hope so. Cheating on your spouse, aside from the fact horrible, it is despicable. We all, are/have weakness. But this, is where we should know where to draw the line in the sand. I thought about this this morning, cleaning..... I still hurt from what happened to me. I do. You all see it.

The day Sue and the kids came into town, the first time, and we all met for the first time? Again? Sue and I went to her mother in laws house, and it was like she just knew. Apparently, I wear it on my face. Which is fine. She called me out on the porch, it was cold, we were talking. We hadn't seen each other in over 10 years, and she knew. She said, something to the extent of how hard it is. How hurt I am. How difficult my place in life is, due to a cheating spouse.

X,Y, mother fucking Z, bitches.

I took yesterday off, and I know, it surprised me too. I have a raging allegiance to my job, and the doctor's I work for. It's how I am geared. It is my proxy. It is the only way to operate.
I didn't feel a morsel of guilt yesterday. I sat in the yard, drank coffee, and enjoyed my "morning." I really didn't do a thing until 5:30, when Terry and I went on another adventure.

Friday, we go again. We have to run first. Then, we can explore sinkholes, and cemeteries, and stick our feet in water, skateboard, probably eat something, and just have a good time goofin off.
Thank God! I haven't given up!!! I wouldn't have this time with with any of you.

It was good for me to let go yesterday.

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