Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wake Up Call

Brought out of my sleep, terrified.
Clutching Champ so close to my chest, afraid.
I told you I have a confession.
Well, this isn't it.

Let me get on track.

"All good things may be expressed in a single word."
And Hope.

Winston Churchill

I will start with Tuesday. Tuesday, I had already told you I had plans. Plans change, as I reiterate, over, and over. My injection for the poison had kicked right in. I slept until 9:30,
Met the Minchews,(people I dog sit for), saw my nephew Hayden, played in the backyard at Mama's with the boy, talked to Mama, she told me she would check on me, picked up my comforter, (she had washed it), I flew back home, I had so much to do, so much on my mind.
I fed/watered/dogs/cats, moved lawn chairs, hung bird feeders, filled bird feeders, checked out a 5 volt adapter I needed, transplanted ivy, went to landfill, ran by Appalachian Outreach, talked with the lady about their yard sale coming up, made a donation, had my haircut, got TOLD by Pete, we discussed, Washington, D.C., mission trips, whitewater rafting, (going with A Nason, one day!), hiking spots, what to do if I ever get bitten by a snake if I am ever out by myself, (it's possible), talked to Angie/Sue most of the day, (don't worry, we all share Verizon), took pics of the mailbox, layed out in the grass with the boys, got TOLD by Mama, many, many times, how I needed to be resting, inside, she scolded me plenty, just another reason to call her Vicky Clause, she always knows, she knows when to bust me, co horse me into the house, Monday Night, she bribed me with spaghetti, I can't resist, she's the best, cause she's Vicky Clause, and when I attempted, (feebly), to ask her "Who exactly I get all my running/doing everything when I need to be resting," thing from..........she informed me I had a "smart mouth." Scolded, Son!

What time is it? Uh, 2:30? 3:oo?
Ate salad, changed sheets, cuddled more dogs, watered yard, cut up melon, vacuumed, went to library, talked to the ladies there, 'cause I'm easy to talk to, listened to music, laughed @ Eric's comment, heard from Ben, I finally took a piece of rest around, 4:30.

Then Mr. Wise called. We went to the dam, skated like a pro,(ha!) met Adam, walked the full length of the mother trucker, got to swing, had to have a drink from the Sonic, saw the sign for
"Paw Paw's Snow Cones," and they advertise themselves as "Travel Agents" too, true story, picture, coming soon, there's also a Paw Paw Holler Church, OOOh, I saw some long-horned cattle too, purchased my 5 volt thingy I needed, we cheated and had to have a burrito or two, sat in the front yard, Champ lost his mind, wanted to sit on Mr. Wise's lap, but settled on the grass, then, the bombshell, Mr. Wise, is going to be a Daddy. How exciting.

We saw the sunset through the tress, but really couldn't get a good view, so we went the "long way," all the way down, by the road, but still couldn't see it, I told him, I would carve out "short way," but it's gonna have to later in the week.....

Mr. Wise left, I showered,felt better, finished the bitchin' book, Sue has allowed me to read, and it was so awesome, I bought a copy of it, before I even finished it. (It has String Threory, mentioned also.)

One down, only 7 more to go.

Work in progress....
Solace, has just been touched on.

Back, to coming clean. My terror? I am terrified, I am being hurled into the future without any sense of security, now dear, I understand, we all live in this very real element.
The magician? Could pull the trap door, at any second.
I, am attracted to men, who generally have no real path, direction, or future.
I worry, that I want/expect way too much out of a potential partner. Shouldn't I?
Shouldn't I examine every part of the person who I may possibly have children with?
If they can't love every (scary) part of me, or bring out the best on me, what am I doing?
Making the wrong choice.
I look at my sleeping Champ, and I don't trust anyone with him.
(I guess, that would be the true test, a la Indiana Jones.) (Step of Faith.) (Crusades.)

I know, things are not my fault, I am made to be the way I am.
I may not ever change.
I know, there are things I can not do.
Full moon, last night, gorgeous at 3:30 A.M.

My work day, today, monstrous.
It all started out with a baby white boxer passing.
He just wasn't strong enough.
I learned something new about white boxers today.
That, even I, didn't realize, they just usually don't make it.
Champ and I are survivors, and it makes me proud.

Lots of other things, made me weepy today, concerning work, but I am taking high amounts of steroids, and as I mentioned, the full moon is cycling, we are slammed at work, I am slammed at home. I did grill steak tonight, some squash, played with the dogs, watered flowers, chased Ladybird..... and took care of the Minchew dogs. It's 9:22....

Sue also asked me about the Children's Book I am writing about Champ. It's going to be a book for hearing impaired children. Children, who, are different, but just as exceptional.
(She also, asked to see the sketches of Champ.)

Listen, I'm rambling, which means, I have lost my point, but not lost on you..... ;)

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